Forever Yours, Elliot

Chapter 21 - Drown it Out

He didn’t speak another word on the way back to my place, which was now Our place since he was going to be my housemate. When he pulled in to the driveway he sighed deeply and I knew there was something he wanted to say.

“What?” I questioned, goading him for a reply

“You’ve been through so much, but you’re still so composed” he noted “I’ve been there Elliot, I know it’s a façade, I know that you’re brick walling your emotions”

“Stop being a know it all. I am fine. If you don’t believe me then that is your prerogative.” I spat out, I felt terrible the instant I said it, the way I had sounded was cruel and I wasn’t like that. He was wrong though, I was fine, I was almost like titanium, everything deflected off me.

“Lets go in” Matt replied, not biting in to my outburst. He hopped out of the car and began walking up the path to the front door. I sat in the car for a bit and stared at the dashboard.

I couldn’t help but feel that maybe Matt was a little bit right about brick walling my emotions, Ever since my parents died I’d closed down on every horrible thing that had happened, shutting the emotions out as much as I could, except when it came to Matt. I wasn’t able to close that part of me down, no matter how hard I tried. Surely having the ability to brick wall and shut emotions down was a good thing though?

I hopped out of the car and trudged inside. I suddenly wasn’t really in the mood for company, but I knew that my friends would want to be here so I tried to perk up about it.

“We got the little mermaid to watch” Louise giggled as I walked in the door. Her arm hooked mine and she walked me in to the lounge. They’d set up a make shift campsite again, blankets everywhere bowls of popcorn strewn around the room.

I forced a smiled and walked to the couch and sat down. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Melanie sitting on the floor. Of course, Jake would have invited her. I smiled over at her and wondered how much she knew. When our eyes met, the corners of her mouth dipped. Louise left the room and when she did so, Melanie stood up and walked over to me.

“Don’t be angry, but Jake filled me in” She said softly “He told me about you and Mr C. But to be honest, I could see the tension between you two a mile away in class anyway”

“Oh, yeah” I replied sort of robotically

“He also told me about the rest of it, and I just want to say, that I’ve been through it Elliot” she whispered, her voice shaking

“I was 15, and my uncle… needless to say I went through a ton of soul searching and self destruction and I just wanted to let you know, that if you need someone to talk to that has been through it, I’m here”

I turned at looked at her, our eyes meeting again, and this time her’s softened. I felt an odd sort of comfort, knowing that someone had been through what I was feeling right now. I gave her a hug and stopped myself from letting any tears fall

“I’m sorry that happened to you Melanie” I said “Thank you for the offer, I am fine though I promise”

Jake came in a few minutes later and he smiled at us. Melanie squeezed my hand one last time and hopped back up, taking her seat with Jake on the floor.

Ryan, Louise and Matt came in a little while later with Pizza and we began watching the movie by 7pm. I didn’t eat, I couldn’t eat. The movie seemed to be a bunch of colourful pictures and I couldn’t take it in. I knew the point of the movie night had been for me, but I felt so confused.

I fell asleep sometime later, but the sleep was not one I wished for. I was trapped in a building, with no doors, running looking for an exit. I felt sick and scared. The running never stopping. Until I hit something, Someone. I saw Adam, and everly laughing at me. Suddenly I was naked, standing on a beach, screaming.