There's The Cat and Then There's Me [boyxboy]

Chapter Eleven: The Truth About Accel

____ACCEL'S POV____

I think I fell in love when I first saw AJ.

The tall, gangly kid filled with misfortune kneeling in the rain outside the tiny shop, practically begging to be let inside. Of course I let him in. How could I refuse? He just had this kind of… air around him that practically begged me to claim him. So beautifully clumsy… and innocent. And then when he started speaking to me at the counter? I had to have him, all of him and leave no room for anyone else. He would be mine, all mine, there was no doubt about it. Even if he refused to begin with, he would eventually have nowhere to run except into my arms.

So what did I do? Well what else to do except confuse him, leave him so desperately lost that in his thoughts that eventually he would have to turn to me for answers, to run to me in need and beg me for release. He would want me- no need- me to love him.

And he needed me now, but it wasn’t for me to love him, it was for answers. He wanted to know why I was doing it, what I was doing to him. The thing is, he already knows, he just can’t accept it.

And that’s right where I want him. In a place where he can’t give in, but he can’t back out either. He has to know what’s going on or it will drive him insane. I can see it even as we sit in the smoke filled gym room with tears rolling from my eyes. Bruised circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, paler skin than usual, and precious stormy eyes haunted with confusion and doubt, with his slender fingers worrying nervously at his uniform as his teeth wear away at his lip. He’s confused alright, doubting himself, lost in this overwhelming state of mind. He probably wishes he never met me and he’s probably right. We never should have.

Because once I see something I want, I need to get it, even if it involves stealing from them the very thing they require to live.

***

 I used to pretend I was normal. That I lived in a normal home, with a normal family, that I had a normal life. For a little while I believed it, I believed it with my entire being, bringing my fantasies of security to life. But life is a bitch, the biggest bitch of them all.

***

Downtown was a dirty place, literally filled with the scum of the earth and packed with the worst crimes ever committed. Authorities had long ago given up on the place, long before I was born and had resorted to warning people away from the area in fear of having to scrape yet another body of the bloodstained streets. I’m sure if I went back there today it would still be the same. Families sleeping with guns a finger twitch from their heads, even the toddlers.

The place I had called home was a rundown flat with three rooms in total; a mould filled bathroom that reeked of vomit, cigarettes and alcohol, a bedroom that was home to the dirty ways of my parents and their accomplices and the main living area. That last room was where I slept and where I was confined to for most of my childhood. It was where I watched my father abuse my mother in his drunken mind and where I watched my mother perform her finest acts in her whoring mind. I didn’t have a choice. My ‘parents’ didn’t give a shit. I was worthless to them, just another possession that they would rather give away. I was just another way to gain money and other material possessions from unsuspecting victims off the streets. I was taught how to protect myself and how to live only so it would keep the officials off their backs.

In fact my ‘childhood’ was pretty much a dirty backstreet crime film brought to life.

I knew how to use a handgun from the time I was three, my first birthday I was given a pocket knife, the first present I ever received was a tiny version of a handgun- only a toy but still enough to get the message through. By the time I was six I knew how to smoke, take drugs, steal from the most secure locations and how to kill a person. Sure I was too young to understand what kind of things I was doing but those are the kind of people who I grew up with.