There's The Cat and Then There's Me [boyxboy]

Chapter Thirty-One: Nothing Lasts

“What day is it?” I drawled lazily from where I was sprawled languidly on the bed, watching Ace as he ransacked through his closet. My feet rested high on the wall above the small headboard, the rest of my body melting into the soft sheets. He emerged from the small room, jumping up and down to shimmy a new pair of skinny jeans over his hips. 

“I don’t know, maybe Thursday?” he shrugged. I caught the quick glance over my body, smiling when it hesitated for a split second at my lips. Flicking his eyes abruptly back to mine he grinned, disappearing once again into the dark depths. “Have you seen my jacket anywhere?” His voice was muffled slightly, the musical lilt dulled.

“Nope…” I sighed, casting a half-hearted glance over the sunlit bedroom. Chinese take-away boxes were scattered near the door, tumbling out of a precariously placed plastic bag. My gym bag lay forgotten under Accel’s desk, half buried by discarded clothes and old bed sheets. Apparently Ace had found it near the school somewhere and brought it back here. Unfortunately, my phone was missing. I had turned his apartment upside down to try and find it, but to no avail. There’s only one place it could be and I can’t go back there, not yet.

Purposefully, I had avoided the subject of school, just waiting for the day when Accel finally got sick of moping around home doing pointless shit. However I was content with waiting; just perfect actually.

I just can’t do it. Every time I tried to think about it my lungs stopped working, images of … that…. flooded my head, pain rebounded across my chest and my hands became clammy, my entire body trembling. It had been a week since the park, a week since Accel confessed and almost two weeks since… I grimaced slightly, turning so Ace couldn’t see me when he finally emerged. It hurts to think about it even now, the images were just still so raw, too violent. Like the pictures had been painted in my head yesterday.

Ace… You can help me now. You stop the pain.

Goosebumps shivered over my skin at a cold draught that peeled through the room. Shutting my eyes, I wrapped my arms tightly around my knees, throwing the covers over my head before I did. I didn’t want to remember everything, especially now that I knew the truth. Now that I knew everything, it hurt ten times worse. The tablets the doctors had given me did nothing to help, they stopped the physical pain, the pain that burned across my skin but not the one across my heart. Still, Accel made sure I took them every couple of hours. He watched over me like an overbearing parent, refusing to give me time to myself. Which is good, I thought, because this is what happens when I’m by myself. Why can’t I just forget!? I was tempted to take more, to see if they actually would work but Ace never let me. He only gave me the prescribed amount, ranting on about me going crazy and having sex or something.

Huh, I’m the crazy one.

I frowned, my breath muggy in the tiny closed space under the covers. I preferred the confined closeness, at least I knew where I was then, cocooned in something that shield me from everything out there. The world was so dangerous.

I’d never really given it any thought before but it was so true. The world is a fucking mental place to be. Shutting my eyes tighter I sighed again, relishing the warmth. If only it was as easy as throwing a blanket over your head and wishing it all away. Life would be so much simpler.

“Andrew?” Ace’s voice broke across the room, confusion lacing the soft lilt. Sink away and hide from this world. Guilt racked me almost as soon as the thought crossed my mind; I couldn’t abandon him here. I couldn’t just leave him alone to suffer through the shit life handed us. I felt the mattress sink next to my back, heat pressing through the covers as Ace leant against me. “Andrew?” he murmured softly, pulling the covers back over my head. “Hey, you okay?”