I cry out as I pull my blankets towards my chest. Tears fall down my cheeks, burning my skin. I couldn't talk to anyone about my pain. No body understands how hard it is to be gay in a town like this, where everyone knows everyone and news travels faster then light.
My phone rests in the palm of my hand bringing some warmth to my cold room. I begin to muffle my cries for some safety. My house isn't big and with 3 other siblings and walls as thin as paper you can't help but worry your secrets have already been found out.
My phone buzzes notifying me that someone has tried to contact me. I look at the screen. Troye boy 💗 (3). I slide open my phone and glance at his texts.
Troye boy 💗 3:59 pm:
Connor why weren't you at school today?
Are you sick bon?
Answer me, I'm worried bub :((
A small smile makes it's way onto my lips, knowing that Troye cares for me when no one else does is more than I could ever ask for. I tuck my phone into my bedside drawer and rest my head up against the headboard of my bed. Sighing, I start to bring myself back together.
I pull my fluffy blue jumper over my head and wipe my tears from my face with my blankets. I slip on my old trainers and grab an apple from the dusty cupboard before I walk out the door. Thank god there all asleep by midday.
As I'm running down the street I look over at the colour of the houses. Never in my 18 years of living on this street did I realise the blues that they were painted were all different shades. I look at them and sigh. I bet no one even takes the time to notice these things anymore.
My worn out sneakers barley stay in one piece as I walk up the steps of my true home. Troye's house. Its the only place in the world where I'm treated like I'm more than just a guest. I am loved, I am cared for and to me it almost feels like a second family. Almost, but not quite. I mean considering Troye and I have been dating for around 6 months it would be the tiniest bit awkward to consider him as family.
As the door swings open I'm wrapped into my boyfriend's embrace. "You're okay Bon," He whispers gently, kissing my forehead. My cheeks blush a deep shade of red as he calls me by my nickname that he gave me when we were little. I bury my head into his shoulder, tears brimming in my eyes again.
He drags me into the house where I am greeted with more embraces from Laurelle and Sage, Troyes mum and younger sister, while Troye's brothers, Tyde and Steele pat my back as I walk through the living room up into Troye's room. I silently wonder where Troye's Dad is but figure he's probably at work.
Troye intertwines our fingers with one hand and strokes my face with the other. His eyes glisten with love. Wether it's love for me or for something else I cant tell, but it's love.
I love his eyes, they might just be my favourite feature of his. They are blue, but not just blue, more like every single one of the different shades of blue collided together to make Troye's eyes. They often glisten with an emotion. It's usually love.
"Connor," Troye says in a hoarse voice, tears rolling down his cheeks. I sit there in confusion and conflict, not daring to take my eyes off his.
"Is..everything..o..ok?" I tremble, that phrase usually spoken by the other boyfriend to me.
"No it's not right now, but we'll figure it out Bon, we always do," He says, flashing me a discouraging smile that looks as if it's as painful for him to do as it is for me to watch.
"Troye," I whisper so quietly, gripping both his hands.
Troye inhales for what seems like forever.
"Connor, we're moving back to Australia," He breathes out, his voice choking on his words as more tears rush down his face. His bottom lip is trembling just like it would when he would get told off as a child.
I can't help but gasp. Fresh tears have sprung in the corners of my eyes and are now streaming down my face too. He can't leave. This is home. This is my home. He's my safety and my love. Surely he can't just leave me and everything else behind.
"You can't go Troye," I say firmly, digging my nails into his skin as a way to ground him. He winces and I let go, apologising as I kiss his hands. My heart breaks in to two as Troye looks at me. His eyes are still glistening but for the first time in years, it's with disappointment.
"Connor I have to go, My dad was on a business job there and his colleagues promoted him to a higher job with much better pay back there," He says hoping that I understand. But I don't. I just continue to sit there confused over why Troye is giving leaving me a second thought. Why his first thought wasn't to stay with me and protect me from the world like he said he would.
I don't answer him becuase my head is dug into my hands.
He can't leave me.
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Extra update xx
