I looked at van
We just got home from a night out with Anna.
Anna isn't home, she is still in the pub
"What?" He said
I shook my head walking into my bedroom.
Van was a little drunk, I wasn't.
I sat on my bed, Van then walked in
"You just gonna ignore me then?" He asked standing infront of me
I frowned "Van I haven't talked in like what? 20 seconds why am I ignoring you?" I whispered he looked down
"You- never mind" he whispered
"Why are you being like this?" He asked
I took a deep breath
"Why am I like this Van? You really wanna know? It's because you say you like me, you say stuff like you mean it, you talk to me as if I'm your girlfriend but in reality, you didn't asked me to be yours" I said
He looked at me and sighed
He wanted to talk but hold himself back, I knew that he was going to say something that would hurt my feeling but I let him anyway,
"I don't want a girlfriend" he said
I swallowed and looked at him
Tears forming in my eyes,
"You said you loved me yesterday, and ofcourse, I knew you were drunk, but you said it like you were more then sober, I believed you" I said while a single tear rolled down my cheek
He swallowed
"I'm sorr-" he started
"No" I whispered
"No what?" He asked
"No, don't fucking say your sorry! You fucking took me to Italy and told me you loved me and made me believe it and all I hear from you the day after is you didn't mean it like that, or you aren't sure! Or you need to think! Van I'm tired! I'm exhausted of your lies and games! I don't want to feel this way, tell me what you think or go! I can't have someone like this in my life who mess with my head again!" I yelled with tears rolling down my cheek
He looked at me
And swallowed
I shook my head a little
"I don't love you" he whispered
My heart, my heart was ripped out of my chest and stepped on a hundred times.
It felt like I coudn't breath,
I was drowning, but coudn't stop
I swallowed
"But I do, I love how your hair falls into your face when you turn to me, I love it how your eyes light up when you talk about something you love, I can't explain what I feel, but my heart stops,
And your smile, don't let me start about your smile, I love everything about you, but I can't love you, something holds me back, fear, I'm afraid I'll hurt you" he whispered "you already did" I whispered walking towards the front door
"Don't let me leave" he whispered
"Why would you stay?" I asked
"Cause I want you" he whispered
I shook my head
He just told me he didn't loved me and then told me he wanted me, this is what I meant, he's messing with my head
"Go away" I whispered
"Don't say that"
"Go away" I said
"You don't mean this Lilly"
"Go away" I said a bit harder
"Lilly you don't mean this your gonna call me tomorrow" he started
"Go away!!" I yelled as hard as I could
He swallowed and walked up to me
"I want you!! I fucking want you!! Don't you get it?! I write songs about you!! Poetry everything!! But no one sees it, I'm fucking afraid I'll hurt you and i feel alone when you leave!!! I want you to be mine!! Fucking mine mine mine!!" He yelled
We were both out of breath
Looking at eachother
Lost souls
Trying to find eachother
"I want you to be mine" he said with a shaky voice
I looked at him
Could I believe him
He walked towards me
His lips nearly touched mine
I felt his breath
"I want you to be mine" he whispered against my lips
I coudn't help but put my hand on his cheek and whimpered
Van kissed my lips softly
"Be mine" he whispered kissing my neck
I frowned, I coudn't be his
"Be mine" he groaned lightly kissing my lips
I pulled away and looked into his eyes
He put his hands on my cheeks
I closed my eyes breathing
I put his hands and and walked towards my bedroom
"I'm tired" I whispered
"Yeah, me too" he whispered
We lay on my bed
I looked at him
After moments I closed my eyes,
"You are everything I want, and I'm sorry I didn't treat you right, I just, I normally just shagg girls then never talk with them again, I'm sorry for that I really am, I'm learning from you every day, I can't help but study you, your just art" he whispered
And in that very moment I realized,
I loved Van
I fucking loved Van..
I woke up by hearing a door being closed
I opened my eyes and stood up
I only wore my underwear and bra
I didn't mind,
Anna didn't mind either
"At 6pm? Alright that class thank you goodbye, bye" van said talking with someone on the phone
I looked at him
"Hello love" he said i gave him a little smile
"Hey" I whispered
"Who was-" i started but heard the doorbell ring
I frowned and looked at Van
"Can you go open it?" I chuckled looking at my body he chuckled
"Yes love" he whispered
I run towards my room and grabbed a oversized sweater.
I walked back and saw....
Matty.
I looked at him shocked
"Not happy to see m-" he started but I hugged him
"Omg Matthew" I whispered hugging him
I pulled away and smiled
"Oh yeah shit, Van this is matty, matty this is my- uh this is Van" I whispered
Van shook his hand and nodded
"Nice to meet ya mate" Van said
Matty smiled
"Yeah, I've heard lots 'bout you lad" matty said looking at me then at him
I swallowed and looked at matty
"Can I speak to you for a bit?" Matty said looking at me raising a eyebrow
I nodded and looked down
we walked towards my bed room and closed the door
I sat on my bed
Matty sighed and looked at me
"What the fuck is this man doing here?" He said raising his voice
Van wasn't scared of matty
Van a little taller then matty
I sighed "why would you care?" I whispered
"Why would I car- are you fucking kidding me? You called me at 3 am a couple nights ago telling me he broke your heart and now he's in your apartment for fucksake!" He yelled I swallowed "I forgave him, he had a reason" I whispered "a reason?! For breaking someone's heart?!" Matty yelled getting angrier every moment
I stood up and walked towards the door
"Why are you being like this it's my life! My decision!" I yelled scaring myself
"Caused I fucking care!!" He yelled
I took a big breath and looked at him
"You didn't fucking care when the boy who gave me a trauma ruined my life! You weren't there for me were you?!!" I yelled
I didn't mean it, it was stupid to say of me, but I was getting mad
"That's why!! That's my I'm only looking out of you now cause I want to be sure your okay, it was my fault I wasn't there those weeks!! I'm sorry, I want to make it up to you!" He yelled
"Well it's obvious that's a lie" I whispered
He looked at me
"I'm so-" he started
"Save it" I whispered
Opening the door
It was stupid really how we fight
He had no reason
I looked towards Van and looked at him "what's the matte-" he started but matty cut him off
"Mate what's the reason why you hurt her? What is it!" He raised his voice walking towards us
"Mate that's not of your business, and i never want to hurt her but it's over now I'm not going to hurt her" Van said calm matty looked at him "I swear to god if you'll ever hurt her again I will lose it" matty whispered waking towards the door
"Yeah alright mate that's fine I'm not impressed" Van said calmly
Matty walked out of the door
I began to cry
Van hugged me
"I'm sorry" Van whispered
"It's not your fault" I whispered back
-
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Hey guys how are ya?
Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
