-A week before the UK. tour.
-Lilly's pov.
I smoked my cigarette and walked inside the bus.
I sat down not looking at van.
-flashback
Germany, couple days ago.
"Your so drunk" I whispered
"I'm not" he laughed
"Why are you doing this lately?" I asked
"Don't know" he smiled, I sighed and got up.
"Where ya going?" He slurred
"Out" I said grabbing my coat "no" he breathed "I am" I frowned "why?" He said "cause I don't want to see you destroying yourself" I whispered he shook his head "oh so I'm destroying myself now then?" He asked "yes Van you know it's true but your never sober anymore so you barely realize!" I said raising my voice "alright so why don't you go home to your perfect friends then?" He slurred, I looked at him
A tear rolled down my cheek, I shook my head walking out.
I opened my water bottle and drank a bit.
I sighed and grabbed my phone.
I didn't talk with matty and Anna for 6 months.
"We are staying in the bus tonight yeah?" Mike said "alright" Bob said
I got up and walked towards the lounge room.
One month until I was going home.
I closed the door and grabbed my stuff together.
No I wasn't leaving, the door was just a mess.
I heard the door open, Larry.
"Hello mate" he said "eh Larry" I whispered sitting down "how are ya?" He asked I swallowed "alright I guess" I whispered "don't lie" he said
"What happened with Van?" He asked
"Well Van started drinking lots as you can tell, a couple days ago he came in drunk in our hotel room, he was acting weird so I smelled his breath and he smelled like so much booze, then we got a fight, I don't know why he drunk so much those weeks I just couldn't handle it anymore" I whispered he nodded "he realized what he has done and he quick, he said that he was tired all the time and all that do he started drinking" Larry said I nodded "you two don't talk anymore" he whispered I shook my head and closed my eyes.
Larry stood up me and hugged me.
"You'll be alright Lilly" he whispered
I was exhausted of the whole touring thing, it was too much.
- Liverpool.
We arrived in Liverpool today, that meant I was going home.
Van and I talked sometimes in the bus but we didn't kiss not touched anymore.
He would constantly say sorry but I knew we couldn't fix it anymore.
Even though I loved him so much, my heart was broken of everything what was said and done.
I just couldn't continue feeling like this, and it took me long to realize that.
I said goodbye to all the lads and thanked them for everything, they understood the whole situation between me and Van and said an extra goodbye to me.
Van was driving me home.
I walked towards the car and got in.
It was quite.
It was raining heavily.
It was dark.
We drove for a while until he spoke up.
"I'm sorry"he whispered he said looking into the mirror,
I didn't say a word, I didn't know what to say as well.
Seconds later he spoke again "for fuck sake Lilly say something!" He yelled
"What do you want me to say huh?! That I'm okay with everything that happened the past months?!" I yelled back he shook his head "I love you Lilly please just let-" he started but I cut him off
"No Van! No! You said this too many times, you'll say sorry after you realize that you'll lose me!! You should've said sorry a few moments later after you done that stupid shit! You should've talked to me the night after! You fucking ignored me the whole time!!" I yelled
"I didn't ignore you I knew you wouldn't want to talk with me so-" he started but I cut him off "you gave up" I whispered "I didn't gave up!! Listen Lilly-" he started but I cut him off ones again "no Van!! I'm done Fighting and arguing, you know I love you but we can't keep doing this, we always argue!! We need to stop!!" I yelled Van speed up driving
He was going too fast.
"I rather argue with you every single fucking day then be with someone else!!" He yelled "you don't mean that" I whispered
"I want to be with you, you know what!! I want to marry you!!" He yelled
I looked at him, he didn't mean that.
"You didn't mean that" I whispered
"I did" he said "I can't do this anymore" I whispered
"You are breakin' up with me?" He whispered "I don't want to but we have to" I whispered he sighed "okay Lilly, you know, i love you and I'm always there for you whenever you need me right?" He said
Tears rolled down my cheeks
We are breaking up, Van and me...
I closed my eyes and nodded "I love you" I said in a whisper I couldn't talk, my heart was empty.
I swallowed
We arrived at my apartment, he looked at me, he leaned in.
I turned away "don't do that you'll make it harder than it already is" I said in a bare whispered with tears all over my face.
He looked at me.
I could not forget that look he gave me.
I stepped out of the car and run towards the building I was living in.
I run into the lift.
Then I realized something,
Van was gone tomorrow, and I'll probably never see him again.
I looked in the mirror of lift and saw that I looked like a mess, a complete mess.
Make up was running down my cheeks, my eyes big and red.
I fall on the ground crying.
I started sobbing.
I screamed.
Then the lift opened.
A boy stood in front of the lift looking at me.
"You need some help?" He asked shocked I shook my head getting up
"Thank you" I whispered running out of the lift.
I started running towards my apartment and opened the door with my keys.
Then I saw Anna sitting on the couch laughing was her boyfriend.
Tears rolled down my cheeks.
She turned around, her eyes grew wide.
"Lilly" she whispered I shook my head closing the door
I run back to the elevator and waited.
I finally stepped in after waiting.
The doors opened and I walked out.
I was going to see matty.
I closed my coat and walked out of the building.
I stood still and closed my eyes.
Van is gone, Van was gone.
I opened my eyes and started walking, tears running down my cheeks still.
I stood in front of Matty's apartment.
I knocked on the door.
"Coming!" Gemma yelled
The door opened "hell- Lilly are you oka- what's wrong?" She asked me shocked I shook my head and tried to speak "m-matty I-I" I started "matty? Matty is on tour Lilly, I thought he told ya?" She said frowning I looked at her
Matty was gone, Anna probably didn't care about me, I had no one.
No one.
I nodded and thanked her.
I walked back, in the rain.
I stood in front of my apartment.
I grabbed my keys and walked in, with a empty expression.
"Lilly, your back" Anna whispered
I closed my eyes
Van, I love you.
-
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Hey guys
Very sad chapter.
How are you?
