everyone was off to bed.
I couldn't sleep though
My mind was filled with van.
I looked outside seeing the bar was still open as always.
I needed to take my mind off things a bit so i dressed myself and walked out of the bedroom.
I walked into the living room seeing Zachary in the kitchen, I looked at him
"I'm going to the bar across the street I promise I'm not going to be drunk" I whispered he nodded "you do what you want but Anna will probably be worried again if you are" he said I nodded
"Hey and Lilly?" He said I looked at him
"Look for Van" he whispered
I walked out of the apartment and stood in the lift.
I looked into the mirror, I looked tired.
I sighed and walked out as soon as the doors opened.
I walked across the street and walked into the bar.
I looked around and saw, yes, I saw van.
I looked at him
He looked at me and stood up.
I just stood there.
"Lilly" he whispered
"I'm- I just want to-" I started but cut myself off with a sigh "can we talk" I whispered he nodded "always"
We walked out of the bar and sat down on the edge of the roadside.
"I can't stop thinking about you, I came home and talked with Anna 'bout that I saw you and she said I needed to talk with you but I couldn't, I'm scared that I'll get heartbroken again and I can't put myself through that again you know, I love you but-" I started but sighed again "I love you van too much" I whispered he looked at me "I can't lose you now that I found you Lilly" he whispered I shook my head "I want you to myself again" he whispered
I looked at him, he hugged me, I hugged him back.
I felt tears roll down my cheek.
I smelled how he smiled, a perfect mixture of tea mint booze and cigarettes I swallowed and hugged him tighter "I love you" he whispered "I love you" I said
He walked me home, "you know I still got the lockscreen we made a year ago" he whispered I looked at him and closed my eyes hugging him side ways
We walked towards my apartment and stood in front of it
"It's good that I got to see you even when it was so fast" he whispered I looked at him "yeah same" I whispered
"I wish you all the best you know" Van whispered looking down I nodded
I wanted to cry, scream, but I couldn't
"Why did you come" I whispered
"Cause I wanted to see how you are doing, I wanted to hug you, talk to you" he whispered he shook his head "that's a lie, I actually wanted you to myself again" he whispered I closed my eyes
He swallowed and looked at me "goodbye" he said hugging me "Van" I whispered he looked at me "please stay the night here" I whispered with a tear rolling down my cheek
He looked at me and nodded.
We walked in and walked towards my room.
I closed the door and undress myself only having my underwear and shirt on.
He lay in my bed and looked at me
"Haven't been here in a while" he whispered I nodded and got in my bed
I crawled in his chest, he hold me tight.
It was dark.
"I love you" he whispered "I love you" I whispered
I closed my eyes and felt tears rolling down my cheek knowing this was the last time.
I swallowed.
"Goodnight" he whispered
"Goodnight van" I whispered.
I woke up, I turned around and saw Van.
He was sleeping, I sighed, I closed my eyes, Van was actually laying in my bed.
I looked at Van again and traced my hand over his cheek "I love you van, I want to be yours but we both know we can't" I whispered
- van's pov
"I love you van, i want to be yours but we both know that we can't" she whispered
I pretend to be sleep cause i could stay a little longer, i felt her hand trace over my cheek and couldn't help but felt pain in my stomach, I didn't want to leave.
I opened my eyes slowly and looked at her.
"Goodmorning" she whispered
"Goodmorning" I whispered back
"Do you want some food?" She said I shook my head "I'm alright love" I whispered I looked at her, I wish I could look at her forever, Christ forever wouldn't even be enough mate!
"I don't want you to leave" she whispered
"don't let me" i said brushing trough her hair.
She sighed and stood up
"Van you'll be gone when the sun starts to rise again and I'll get upset cause I'll never see you when your on tour or home" she said
I sat up and looked at her
"You can go with me again" I whispered
"We'll fight again" she said putting another t-shirt on
"Lilly" I said, she looked at me
"Do you still love me as much as you loved me then?" I asked
"I love you even more, and I didn't even think that's possible van" she whispered
"Can we try?" I whispered
"Try what?"
"Try us?"
She looked at me lighting a cigarette for me
"I-I, Van" she sighed
"Lilly you know you want to but doubt is holding you back, please just" i said
She looked at me
"I need time" she said and walked out of the room.
I looked at the bed, we shared many nights in here.
I wanted her.
Forever.
- Lilly's pov
I walked into the kitchen
"From who are those shoes?" Anna asked "Anna" I whispered "Van?" Zachary whispered I looked at him and nodded slowly "Van is here?!" She whispered yelled "he is, and he wants another chance" I whispered
She looked at me, so did Zachary
"Give him another change?" Zachary whispered "I don't think I can do that" I whispered closing my eyes
"Good morning" Van said walking in
"Hey Van" Anna said looking at him
"It's been a while" Van whispered looking at her "hello I'm Zachary" Zachary said "oh hey mate you are the drummer from swim deep aren't ya?" Van said smiling "I am" he said proudly
"You sure you don't want anything?" I asked him
He nodded "alright" I whispered
Van was dressed and all that, I saw his bags.
"You ready?" I asked he nodded
"Bye guys have a nice day" Van said nodding at Anna and Zachary
"Yeah you two man success with ya career" Zachary said "thanks mate you too" he smiled and we walked out.
We stood in the hallway.
I looked at him.
He looked at me.
"I'm going to miss you" I whispered hugging him "you don't have to" he whispered I sighed and looked at him
"You are so sure about that we'll be okay and all that but too much happ-" I started but he cut me off, he kissed me.
Van kissed me after almost a year.
I kissed back.
I realized how much I missed his lips on mine.
After moments we broke away to catch our breath.
I looked at him
"I need time, but you are welcome here whenever you want" I whispered
"Are you saying that we are okay?" He whispered
I nodded "let's do this slowly" I whispered he nodded and kissed me
We were okay, for now.
-
-
Hello everyone!!
They are okay again!
For now.
How is everyone?
