S.O.S. ✘ One Direction

03: Bullies & Maybelline

BULLIES & MAYBELLINE

~

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Harry.

Harry who?

Harry Styles!!!!!

Bet you weren’t expecting that, huh?

Neither was I.

But anyway…damn this book is heavy…are we really going to have to fill this whole thing? I mean, seriously…you can only write so much. This book is like…fifty thirty-part fanfics.

Great. Now I’m using fanfiction as a unit of measurement. I thought I was getting better too. EXTREME SIGH.

Who are you, anyway? I don’t mean to be rude, don’t get me wrong – but who is supposed to be reading this? They’re just making us write in this huge ass book, wasting a ton of time, when no one’s gonna read it but them! It’s a waste of paper! Do you know people go through pain and sweat and tears – yes, tears, horrible innit – to make paper? And here we are, wasting it! Your mum would be ashamed! I hope they at least make an ebook version out of this…it would save time and money…and lives. Be a lifesaver and buy a Kindle.

Or Nook! If you’re a Nook person, that’s fine! I wasn’t discriminating or anything, it’s just that most people have Kindles, but if you have a Nook there’s nothing wrong with you! Do you and be who you are. You’re perfect.

But I’m supposed to be telling a story, though. A pretty fucked up story, too. So, I guess I’ll start-

Once upon a time, in a land fah fah away, there lived a curly headed lad named Harreh. And Harreh had a phone. And Harreh read fanfiction. The end.

See how much paper I saved? I should start a campaign…do you think the fans will contribute and help out? This is really worrying me…I’ve never realized it before, but trees are disappearing. This is tragic. Should I call someone, or…? Do you think management could do something about it? They’re pretty powerful people…they’re making us do all of this, anyway.

I’M SORRY, OKAY? I’M JUST WORRIED ABOUT THE TREES. TREES ARE PEOPLE TOO. I BET THEY’RE LOOKING THROUGH YOUR WINDOW RIGHT NOW AND WAGGING THEY’RE FINGERS – BRANCHES – AT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE WASTING A SHIT LOAD OF PAPER. TREES HAVE FEELINGS. WHAT IF THE LUMBERJOCKS ARE WHATEVER THEY’RE CALLED KILLED THEIR FAMILIES. I WOULDN’T BE HAPPY TO SEE MY BROTHER TREESEMME GET CUT ALIVE AND HAULED AWAY AND SEE PEOPLE SCRATCHING AWAY AT HIM. WOULD YOU?

DIDN’T THINK SO.

Uh…sorry I blew up at you…I had to skip a few lines because I wanted a fresh new start. Deep breath, Harry. That’s it. There you go. Remember what your therapist told you.

Okay, I’m officially back. Sorry about that, again. I should really move along with this, but as soon as I’m done I’m phoning a park ranger or something.

Um…let’s see. When was it? Oh, right! About a week after Niall and Louis went out for ice cream. (I read your entry btw Niall, if you’re reading this. I think you’re amazing, fabulous, and magnificent too! And you too, Lou, how could I forget you? It’s like we’re communicating…holy shit we are…this is awesome…whoever’s next should contact me like this…ENTRY SNOOPING HEHE :*)

“Okay, boys,” said the head of our management, Arthur. He clapped his hands once and grinned. “Who’s ready to release a new album?”

“I am, sir,” I nodded, trying to act serious, but deep inside I wanted to prance around and dances like a melon. This was management, I had to be serious. EXTREME SIGH.