S.O.S. ✘ One Direction

06: Journals & Losses

A/N Please don't kill me...it was going to happen eventually.

[Dedicated to @SebLarry because hey, you started it ;)]

JOURNALS & LOSSES

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Okay, so...it's time for me to take a deep breath.

A very, very deep breath.

Deeper than the Atlantic.

Deeper than the lowest point in the world.

Deeper than 'just close your eyes and enjoy the roller coaster that is life :) x' (which is pretty deep, I applaud Zayn on that one).

Well, you get it. I am taking a very deep breath, because what I'm about to tell you is something that I haven't wanted to tell anyone. Not my mum. Not the stuffed animals that Harry hides in his closet. Not even the lads. (Hell, especially not the lads.)

But here I am about to confess one of my deepest darkest secrets to a book. I'm not even sure if this is safe, but you know what?

Fuck it. Because I need to tell someone, right? It's supposed to help.

So c'mon, Louis, man up. Let the book help you.

I really don't want to get to the point here. They say I'm stalling, and I guess I am, but I really do not want to say.

Everyone has done it, right? We've all read at least one of those stories. I'm just really pissed at myself that I chose that one. Sure, there could've been worse. But that story? Of all things! For God's sake, there was fluff out there. Pure fluff that I could've been content with!

But I chose the sad one that ruined me for a long, long time.

Way to go, Louis.

It broke me. It really did.

Not only did it break me, but it opened a new path of fanfictions that made things about...let's see...eighty six times worse.

Enough chatting, they say. Get back to the story, they say. Quit stalling, they say.

So I will. But don't be so quick to judge; I'm watching you.

"Okay boys, you're finished here," said one of our producers, Billy. He pressed a few buttons on his sound board and nodded at us. "You can go."

I sighed in relief and took off my headphones. "About time." I made my way out of the recording booth and picked up my phone from the desk. "Anyone down for some grub?"

"I'm down, are you down?" Harry asked Niall.

"I'm down, are you down?" Niall asked Liam.

"I'm down, are YOU down?" Liam asked Zayn.

"I'm down, are –" Zayn looked to his left, but then he noticed that no one was there and turned away, embarrassed. "Um, yeah, I-I'm down."

"Drive safe, boys!" Billy called as we made our way out of the studio. I waved to him before walking out, scrolling through my Twitter newsfeed.

The lads and I were quiet as we got in the car, Liam being the designated driver for the day. I favorited a few tweets and followed some people, then switched apps and opened Wattpad.

"Buckle your seatbelt, Lou," Harry called from the other side of the car, even though his eyes were on his phone and not on me.

"Buckle your seatbelt, Lou," I mocked in a bitter tone before proceeding to do just that. Harry only smirked at me and I sent him a dirty look in response.