Fading Scars.

Chapter 20

Josh's P.O.V

It has been 2 days since I read Aly's diary. I tried to tell her but I couldn't. I didn't want her to be mad and fight with me because of it. I didn't like our fights. I hated them. Anyways, it was the party tonight and Aly was getting ready. She took her pills every morning and she was good. She was helping herself. She never told me that she needed me, so she was doing just fine. Well, I guess.

I just couldn't believe she kept that for her. She was my girlfriend! She couldn't hide this from me! I needed to talk to her about this but, I would have to tell her that I read her diary. Again, I didn't want her to find out.

We arrvied at the party and there was already a few persons. I presented Aly to my family members. They were happy to finally met her. My mom talked about Aly to everyone. ''Hey, Sarah. This is Alyson, my girlfriend.'' Sarah was my aunt. ''Hello there. It's nice meet you.'' she smiled, shaking Aly's hand. ''It's nice to meet you too.'' Aly said back to her. ''I really need to find my cousin. She wants to meet you so bad!'' I said to Aly, laughing. She smiled, ''Hey, Kate. This is A-'' ''Ahhhh! Alyson! I'm so happy to see you! Come here!'' she almost attack Aly with a hug. She was really happy to see her. Kate was always the only family member I would confessed anything. We were close. ''You just can't believe how much I wanted to meet you. Josh talked about you alot!'' Aly turned around and smirk at me. I blushed a little and Kate continued talking with her. 

Gabriella wasn't there. She didn't come. Great. Anyways, people were getting drunk and I didn't like it. I hated drunk people. Even Aly was drunk. ''Aly we should go now.'' I said, taking her arm in my hand, ''Why?'' she almost yelled. She was drunk. 

We arrived home and she was laughing at nothing. It kinda pissed me off. She knew I didn't like drunk people. Anyways, I couldn't be mad at her right now. I got her in her bed and she felt asleep instantly. I took her dress off and put on one of her shirt. She was so tired. I checked if she was in a deep sleep and took the box again. One blade had some blood on it. Not old blood.. She cut. I knew I shouldn't let her alone. I took her journal and went at the end to see if she was still wrinting in it. She was. 

Dear Diary,

I finally convinced Josh. He's gonna leave me alone now. I don't want help. I don't deserve help. I promised him that I wil tell him if I needed his help. But, I don't think I will. I know I promised, but it's hard. I want him to treat me like his girlfriend. Not some fucked up girl. But, I'm not gonna lie, it's really hard. I always want to cut and I can't control my suicidal thoughts. My doctor gave me some pills again. I'm not taking them.

What was I suppose to do now? I needed to talk to her. She couldn't stop taking her pills like that. She was hiding so much things from me. 

Dear Diary,

I cut. It feels so good right now. I missed that feeling. I feel bad though. I said I would tell Josh if anything was wrong. He's my boyfriend. He should know. But, I feel so weak right now. He thinks I'm a strong girl. I'm not. Really. Far from that. I love Josh. He doesn't deserve that. A girlfriend like me. I started to starve again. I gained and now I wanna lose it all. I hate myself so much. I purge sometimes. It's a bit complicated though. Josh is always in the house with me. So, I just have to tell him that I'm going in the shower. I turn on the water so he won't hear me. I'm smart sometimes.

That was too much. I knew she was starving herself. But, I thought it was over now. I never knew she made herself throw up. I couldn't wait to have the biggest conversation we never had.

-Next morning-

 Alyson's P.O.V

I woke up with a headache this morning. I forgot what happened last night. I got drunk, obviously. I got up and went downstairs. ''I have a terrible heada- What are you doing?'' I asked Josh. He was sitting at the table with a few things in front of him. ''How could you?'' was the first thing he said. What did I do? ''Josh, I don't understand. What's wrong?'' I asked, walking closer to him. I saw my box on the table. What the heck was my box doing down here? Josh opened it and showed me a blade. The one I used yesterday. I saw my diary in his hands. He couldn't do that. Did he read my diary?  ''You didn't.''  I said. He didn't answer. ''Did you read my fucking diary?'' I asked again, a little louder. ''Yeah.'' he said, getting up. ''How could you do this to me?'' I asked. My voice wasn't loud, but I was trying to fight back the tears in my eyes. I was so ashamed. I wrote everything in that diary. Even things he didn't know. ''You were hiding things from me. You don't take your pills. You starve and purge. When were you going to tell me? I had to find out myself!'' He shouted, ''I don't know. But, you weren't suppose to read that. This is so disrespectful!'' I yelled, ''Maybe if you told me all of that it wouldn't happened.'' I was thinking about all the things I wrote in it. Shit. ''How much pages did you read?'' I asked, worried. ''Enough.'' he answered. I sat down at the table, my head in m hands. What if he read it? My deepest secret. Even my dad didn't know. Josh sat down next to me and put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it. ''Aly..'' he whispered. I couldn't look at him right now. I was so embarrassed. ''Look at me Aly.'' he said. I lift my head up and looked at him. ''What happened?'' he asked, concerned. I had to tell him. It was going to be really hard. I never talked about this to anyone. Never. He was the first to know. ''I was walking home and it was dark. Some guy was following me, but I didn't care. I thought he was just going in the same direction as me.'' I stoped, and cried. He took me in his arms and rocked us back and forth. He knew the end. ''Shhh... I'm here Aly.'' he said, trying to comfort me. It was working. He kept me in his arms the whole time I was crying. ''It's not going to happen again. I'm here and I will protect you.'' he whispered in my neck. ''I'm so scared..'' I said, ''You don't have to. It's over now. Nobody will touch you ever again.'' he was the best. I could feel safe when I was with him. I trusted him. More than anything. I was relived now. He knew everthing.

No more secrets.

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So, here you go! 10 more chapters posted :) I'll post later or tomorrow :)