Fading Scars.

Chapter 17

Alyson's P.O.V
 
Last night was amazing. We did it. I told him I was ready when we were making out on my bed. He wasn't sure first because he didn't want to hurt me. But, he worked this out. It hurt. It really hurt. There were some tears that left my eyes that night. Josh wanted to stop everything, but I didn't let him. I wanted to do this with him and I was ready. So, I begged him to continued and he did. At the end he was cuddling me and telling me sorry all the time. I ended up falling asleep while he was talking to me. I was so tired. He didn't care. He fell asleep not too long after me. Anyways, I was now awake but he wasn't. So, I made breakfast. Well, I made myself some toast with orange juice. I went in the shower, like every morning and looked at my naked body in the mirror.
 
''Josh..'' I breathed. He didn't hear me. He continued to entered into me and pushing my hips against the bed. He was hurting me and he didn't know it. ''Josh.'' I said again, there were tears in the back of my eyes but I did everything to keep them up there. I didn't want him to see me crying. I was now terrified. He had lost control. How was I suppose to take him back? His hands were on my hips, near my thighs and he was just putting enough pression on me to keep me on the mattress, which I did, obvioulsy.
 
The memories of last night past through my mind as I looked at the bruises on my body. I had some on my thighs, my hips were just blue and purple and my forearms too. I could see Josh's hands on me. I tried to stop him, but I wasn't able to. He did it before and he wasn't really familiar with the feeling of going slowly. He knew he had to, but he must have forgot it. But, by the end he calmed himself and he was soft again. He didn't know what he had just done. I didn't want to tell him and I wasn't going to. I would have to hide my body from him. It won't be that easy. It was hot outside. Hot weather. So, yeah. That would be a challenge.
 
''Hey babe.'' Josh said, still sleepy. He had just waking up and I was sat at the table. ''Hi.'' I smiled, he leaned down and pecked my ilps. He walked in the kitchen and took an apple, ''Did you eat breakfast?'' he asked, ''Yeah. Before my shower.'' I said, looking at him, ''So, sleep good?'' I asked, smirking. His smile grew and he looked at me with those beautiful eyes I was falling for, ''Yeah. Last night was amazing, Aly.'' he said, taking my hand in his. He was so right. Last night was the most amazing night we spent together. ''Yeah. I'm happy I share this with you Josh.'' I truthfully said to him, ''And I am happy that you trusted me.'' he said, kissing my knuckles. I smiled at him and took my hand back went my sleeve started to bend down. He looked at me with a confused look and I just stood up and made my way in the kitchen.
 
''Everything's alright?'' he asked, following me, ''Yeah?'' I wasn't lying. Well, not completely. ''You look weird. You sure everything is okay?'' he said, steping in front of me, taking my arms in his hands. I winced at the pain and he let go. ''Alyson, did you cut?'' he abruptly asked, ''No? Why would I cut? Everything is okay for now.'' I replied, a little offensed. How could he think that? I would have told him if I wanted to. ''I was just asking. I took your wrist in my hands and your winced. Just like I hurt you or something.'' he said, taking my face in his warm hands, ''N-No you didn't hurt me.'' I said, hoping he would just forget about it. But he didn't. ''Then what is it? You look distant. Are you hiding something?'' Shit. He really knew me. I didn't answered. I was looking at the ground and I felt his hands touching mine again. He pulled up the sleeves and looked at my injured arms. ''What the hell happened?' he asked, angry. ''I-I.. um..'' I didn't know what to say. I haven't thought about a lie a could tell him. ''Did..Did I did this to you?'' his eyes were full of sadness. I still didn't know what to tell him. He looked so hurt. I had tears in my eyes just looking at him. ''Answer me.'' his tone was harsh and I didn't know if I should worried about it.
 
I wasn't scare, yet. The tears rolled down my cheeks as I nodded. He was hurt. I could tell. I walked towards him and put my hands on his chest, ''It's okay Josh.'' I said, I was hoping for my voice to be more stronge, but it wasn't. ''I hurt you, again.'' he said, stepping backwards, referring at the first time that he lost his temper. I followed him but he started screaming at me, ''Why didn't you tell me?'' he yelled. I was took by surprise. He never yelled at me. Well, not often. Only when he was mad and now he was, ''I told you, but you didn't hear me.'' I whispered, ''I'm so mad right now. I can't believe it.'' he couldn't be mad at me. I tried to tell him, he just didn't hear. ''Why are you mad? I tried to tell you, Josh!'' I wasn't yelling, but I wasn't whispering anymore. He made me mad about this whole thing. He walked towards me again in a rush and took the end of my shirt in his hands and lift it up a little to see my hips. Fuck. I hadn't notice how Josh could act when he was angry and it was kind of scary now. He took my face in his hands, ''I won't never forgive myself for that.'' he was, surprisingly, calm. He wasn't shouting and it made me feel better. ''Josh, it's not your fault.'' I said, getting closer to him, ''Aly, that's my hands on your hips.'' he puts his hands on my bruises and showed the perfect fit. ''I know, but I know you didn't mean to hurt me.'' he obviously didn't mean to. ''I wanted this night to be the best night ever and it is. I loved it. And that's because of you. I wouldn't want to change a thing.'' I smiled, trying to make him smile too, but it wasn't easy. He was mad at himself now. I know him and he would take a lifetime to forgive his actions.
 
 
All day he kept his distance. He didn't touch me once since we left the kitchen. I felt really bad about it. I even heard him cried in the bathroom. So, I knocked on the door and there was no answer. ''Josh, I know you're in there.'' I said through the wooden door, ''Can I come in, please?'' I was almost begging him to open the door. And he did. He unlocked it and swung it open. His eyes were red. I couldn't handle to see my boyfriend like that. I insisted last night. I was the one who told him I wanted to do it and he couldn't say no to me. He didn't want to do it because it would hurt me. Here I was. My body hurting. Every part of it. He warned me and I didn't listen. I was the one to blame.
I didn't say anything, I just close the door behind me and took him in my arms. I put my right hand behind his head and rested it in the crook of my neck. He sobbed in it.
 
We stayed in the bathroom as long as he was crying. When he stopped, I guided him in the living room. He sat on the couch, and I sat on his lap. I kissed him and looked at him. He is so beautiful, I thought to myself. ''Are you okay?'' I asked. He just gave me a small nod and he started to play with my hands. ''I'm sorry, Alyson.'' he said, keeping his gaze away from mine. I attacked him with kisses on his face and he laughed. Damn god he was laughing. ''I love you so much.'' he told me, ''I love you more.'' I teased and hugged him. I was going to help Josh to forget about the incident. He didn't need to beat himself up for something like that. It was an accident. He didn't do this on purpose.
I wanted him to know that.