Cutting is a problem and a solution (kellin quinn)

Fun night

"That was perfect" I cheered as he came up to me and gave me a hug




"No it wasn't but what is perfect is that us and ptv are all going out to eat !"he said waiting for me to scream but I didn't




"Yay !"I tried to play it off because frankly Kellin hasn't found out about my 'disorder' and I'm happy because he thinks I'm happy and that means he's happy (lol to many happy's) i will just order a salad




*at the bus*




We all crammed into that tiny bus as we were about to get ready for the dinner with Ptv I need to call Cody before he worrys




'Ring ring '




"Hello?"Cody's voice said through the phone




"Hi baby it's Jasmin"I said




"Oh hi how's tour?"he asked suddenly excited




"Great were about to go have dinner with Ptv"




Yes Cody does know about how I listen to the screamo shit I mean obviously and he does except me which only makes me love him more




"Hope you have fun and I gotta go to the store with my mom "




"Ok well bye "




"Bye " he said and hung up




We weren't on the love stage yet because we knew that we wanted to wait on us both truthfully loving each other




I then plugged my phone into the charger and chose some skinny jeans and a Bangie with cropped sws shirt with some TOMS




I hurried and put on some makeup but not to much and started to check my social medias to pass time




'Slut' 'whore' 'love you xx' 'go die' 'Kellin is mine!' 'stay strong ' 'GAY'




I read as I scrolled through my twitter and tumbler




'Some people say just 2 ignore the haters but I can't becuz either there everywhere or I'm not strong enough so please stop the hate :( ' I said and posted




I then took a picture of my sad face and put it on Instagram with the same message




Then I took a regular smile and posted it stating my business




"Ready everyone?!" Justin yelled as he entered the room




"Yup ready to go with 86 % "I said with a smile as I pointed to my phone




*at the restaurant *




Ptv was already seated as we entered and look for our table which was at a window




"Hey guys" I said as we sat down




"What's up"Vic said




We then ordered , which I got a lemonade so the boys wouldn't think all I was drinking was water .The waiter then walked away to get our drinks as we decided what we wanted




About 5 minutes later the waiter came back with our drinks and her assistance




"What would you guys have for dinner?"she asked as she was ready to write our favors




"I'll have a steak please "Kellin said




"Salad please "I said quietly




*15 minutes later*




By now everyone had there food and I was just staring at my salad which they had drinched in atalian sauce and ranch yea that had to be at least 400 calories




I then played with my salad and had a few bites and finished my lemonade




"Jasmin come with me for a sec " Kellin's voice whispered in my ear




I listened as I followed him to the outside




"Why aren't you eating?"he spoke intensely




"I'm not hungry and it's really nasty" I said casually




"Oh so everything I've tried to feed you this month is nasty and everytime I tried to feed you ,you just didn't have an appitite?!"He said raising his voice




"Kellin...I ...I "




"We'll talk more after dinner "He said and walked back into the restaurant




I just sat there and stared to where Kellin's perfect little loving body has just stood god why do I put him through this ?




I hate myself everything about me I hate like my body,my face,brain, and etc. I mean my mom only calls once a week and my bestfriend doesn't even call or text me anymore which that is what mostly hurts right now is how she doesn't check on my disorder or my cutting or anything because she has new friends as I'm gone (I hope your reading this Z) then Cody doesn't love and I love him but I'm afraid he doesn't feel the same way also nobody wants to sit with me at lunch because I moved my scedule for a private tutor and now I have nobody in school except in life skills




And Kellin has to deal with all of that on his shoulders as his wife just died and I'm not even caring because I'm selfish , ugly , fat , and not but last useless




I can't do this anymore I can't I then ran to the bathroom where I just let some tears fall and grabbed the razor from my wallet




And began slicing my life away as I cried harder and harder this isn't right




I shouldn't be doing this I thought as I cleaned myself up and put on my jacket




"What were you doing in there?"Vic asked as I sat on the chair




"You don't wanna know it's a girl thing"Lie. I'm not on my period I'm dying