The day after, I was standing outside of Hervé's house. It was pretty cold today and it rained. When Hervé got outside I was smoking a cigarette.
" Hey, you can't smoke when you're pregnant " I knew he would say that.
" Fuck, Herv, does it look like I care? "
" You're killing the baby "
" It's going to be killed anyway "
That comment got him quiet. So a long silence followed.
" Uhm, let's go " Hervé finally said and I followed him without saying a thing. I had skipped school again, but Ray would tell the teachers that I was still sick and that she was better already.
One we arrived the woman welcomed us warmly and we went to sit down in front of her desk.
" So, you were Clara, hmm? " she asked, smiling.
" Yea "
" You were here yeserday, right? "
" Yes "
" And the guy is? " she looked at him now.
" I'm Hervé Matthys, I'm the one who got her - yeah you know " he laid his hand on my leg, but I pushed it away.
" Hmm, I get it, so how can I help you? " she asked.
" I want abortion " I said.
" Do you agree, Mr. Matthys? "
" Yes "
" You know, you should be there for her, she needs someone, you're responsible. This must be a hard time for her " she explained.
" I will do anything I can " he said and gave me a little smile.
" Abortion... Are you sure? "
" I am 16, what do you think " I snapped. I wanted to lose that child as fast as possible. And I knew lots of women can't get babies and I do, but I don't want it. I just want to live like it never happened.
And I knew that wasn't possible.
" Okay, so, because it's still early, you can just take this pill ", she took a little box with one pill in it, " the next day you take two of these ", she showed another box with 4 pills this time, " and the day after you take two more of them " she handed the boxes over to me.
" Thanks " I said and took the boxes. I put them in my bag.
" For the last 4 pills you can visit the hospital if you want it, because it will look like a misscarriage and you will lose blood " she explained.
" That's okay, someone here owes me some help "
" She's talking about me " Hervé said.
" Okay, is everything clear? " the doctor asked.
Yes everything was clear, soon I would've killed a person that wasn't even alive yet. I knew I was killing someone, I knew.
But I was glad that Hervé was by my side when I needed him. He helped me through this period. He did a great job and I was grateful for that. Also Ray helped me out a lot, because I didn't go to school and my parents couldn't know I was doing this stuff.
But I will never forget this.
***
I must say that this was the most horrible time ever. I felt depressed. I missed Vincent so damn much. I drunk too much, I smoked too much and when no one was at home I cut myself.
