Forget me never...

Letter 2

Chicago

Dear Terry,

I got your letter almost 3 months later, since you sent it to the Happy Clinic and I don't work there anymore, I went back to the Pony home for a while, then, I went to live with Albert at the Chicago Mansion. I went to the Happy Clinic to give them a donation, and Doctor Martin gave me your letter. My hands were shaking when I took it, I recognised your handwriting from afar. I took the letter home and I didn't open it. I'm going to be honest, I was tempted to throw it in the fire and never read it. I open my bible and I put it inside.

One day I saw in the paper that you were a triumph in Broadway and that you were engaged to be married and I got hurt all of a sudden. I had tried to be brave ever since we've separated on those awful hospital stairs... it took me all the strengths in the world to leave you Terry... All my dreams were shattered in a few hours... We met we got closer, we fell I love...we were forced to separate... we finally had plans together and everything went up in smoke...I wanted to be with you so much Terry. It was my dream. Seeing that paper with you engaged to be married to Susanna broke my heart. I was surprised; I thought I was over that, but apparently I was not... I'm still hurting after all this time and I'm still jealous of her. She gets to see you every day when I have to look at a newspaper to see your face or close my eyes .... And cry. I decided to finally read your letter...

Oh Terry! I'm so angry at you!!! How could you come and be a few steps away from me and not even say hello???!!! How could you assume I was fine without asking me? A few day before, Neil pretended to be you and I ran, but it was an ambush... I fell into the trap because of your name, I thought it was you... I was waiting Terry, I had heard that you had left Broadway and Susanna and I was hoping it was because you loved me so much that you couldn't live without me. I had high hopes that you were going to come and tell me that we should be together... I waited in vain. Instead I got that loser Neil to trick me he was you. Do you have any idea what I felt when Neil lied to me? I thought my dream was finally going to come true, that we were going to be together... I was happy, so happy, then I called myself stupid. You would never leave Susanna to come to me! You had a duty to fulfill! So when I read your letter and I saw that I was right, you did come to look for me and you chickened out... I'm screaming of rage!!! How could you do this to me? To us?!!! Did you really love Susanna that much? You went back to her instead of staying with me? You had the choice again, Terry and you chose Susanna, again!!! And the part that makes me even angrier, it that you say that I gave you the courage???? I gave you the courage, not to come to me but to go back to Susanna??? So bottom line you're blaming going back to Susanna on me? You made your own choice Terry, take your responsibilities, don't you dare blame them on me!!! I'm happy you sobered up and you went back on stage, but you did all that, not me! I'm not going to take credit for that!

On those awful hospital stairs, you let me go, you chose Susanna, you didn't stop me to tell me to stay, you stopped me to tell me to be happy... without you!!! How could you even think that? It reminded me of the dear Jane note you left me in college, that you were going to pray for my happiness... well you prayers were not answered, because I was unhappy without you in college, and now I'm unhappy without you! So when I saw that article, I wanted it to be me! I wanted to be the one you were going to marry, not Susanna!!! This is so unfair! That was supposed to be my life!!!

I'm going to calm down... I had to tell you what was on my heart, because I don't think I would ever get the occasion to yell at you in person.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling sad. I made you a better person? I disagree, you've always been good Terry; behind that though boy act, was a very nice and sensitive boy I fell in love with. You're a good person Terry, don't you ever doubt that.

Asking me to keep in touch with you is a lot to ask, but I'm going to make an exception, because if your letter brought out all those feelings of anger and confusion, it means that I still care a lot about you. You can tell me anything. You say you're acting all the time? You shouldn't do that, Terry, you might end up confusing reality to fiction. Susanna saved your life, you can be civil to her and nice. Life is full of choices and the future is what we do now that defines it... You made your choice Terry, you stand by your choice. You want to be my friend? You've always been my friend Terry, and you will be my friend forever, no matter what. I'm the missing part of your life, yet you chose not to be with me... They say charity begins at home, but you and I started it with others first, and now we're paying the price... Hang in there.

Since it's been 6 months since you wrote your letter, you must be thinking that I refused to correspond with you, so this letter is going to be shocker! But I'm sure you're used to your Miss Freckles and her surprises. I hope this letter finds you in good health and in good spirit.

I will be here to receive your letters and answer them. I'm sorry I took so long to answer; I didn't really know what to do with your letter before I opened it and after I did. I'm sorry I yelled at you again...

So this is officially the beginning of our correspondence, if you're still willing to do it.

I'm looking forward to your letter.

Love,

Candy