Forget me never...

Letter 32

My dear mum,

How are you? I hope that you are well. I wanted to tell you that I have arrived in England and that father was most glad to see me. Our relationship is better and we have talked a lot and I have thus learned the reason why he never came after me, it was because of Candy. He said that she convinced him to let me live my dream. Do you realise? Candy is the reason why I could live in New York in peace and pursue my dream. I know that I loved this girl for a reason, but each time that I discover things like that, I love her even more. I would have liked really much to go and see her after my mourning period to ask her to give us another chance. Unfortunately, that dream is an utopia, because she is married to Albert, my best friend. I don't have any chance. I did my duty, mother, I left Candy a second time to care for Susanna. I remained faithful to a woman that I didn't love, because that is what Candy wanted, that I take care of Susanna. The fact that she was bedridden while we were together secretly made Candy feel so guilty... Sometimes I would have wanted her to be more selfish and that she thinks only of her. But she wouldn't be the woman that I love overall with all her faults and her qualities. We have tried to force destiny, and we came out of it more burnt than before. She is happily married with Albert, I suppose. Charlie is advising me to go and see her to make sure of this. To hear of her own words that we have no chance. What do you think of this? I thought of staying here to live my life in England so that I wouldn't be in the same country as Candy. I will miss you a lot, mom, but you can come and see me as much as you wish. You can even move here if you want. I am sure that England will have work for the great Eleanor Baker. Do you think that I should go and have my heart broken seeing Candy happy with her husband and tell me that we have no chance? I may have nothing to lose, only my heart once again. I am a shakespearian, I should be able to get over a heartbreak, no?

I am going. I will go and have tea with dad. We are going to a reception tonight. He seemed determined to wed me to a rich lady. But I am using my mourning to snub all these ladies for the time.

Do you have a new play to act? I hope the role will please you. I would like to play with you on stage one day, mom. What do you think? We should talk about this to Robert. He will surely find a play in which we could be mother and son. It will also be a pretext for me to come back to America. We never know.

Big kisses.

Your son,

Terry