Forget me never...

Letter 11

By mrscage


My love,

I'm dreaming of you while writing you these lines... The time we spent together is so fresh on my mind, and when I close my eyes, I can clearly see you sleeping in my arms... Your soft hair touching my skin, your beautiful eyes half closed and your inviting lips asking for more kisses...

Since I came back to New York, everything seems so different to me; I find a little something about you everywhere I go... It's like you came here with me, your laughter is in my ear, your face is in my eyes, and your scent is everywhere I go... You're here with me and life is just wonderful...Yet... there is a shadow in my heart. I don't know how to tell you this, or if I should let you know it or not... It's about Susanna. She is very ill, I found her worse than I left her and I feel so bad thinking of her, it's like I'm the reason why she gets worse every day. But
I'm doing my best to help her, to be there for her. What else could I do? What else should I do? I can hear you telling me to marry her but no, that's not the way and we discussed about it many times. Marrying Susanna is not an option for me; maybe it was once but not anymore.

I know I will regret posting this letter to you, you have such a good heart that I'm sure you will think that it's our fault if she is that ill...Please my darling, don't think that way... We didn't do anything wrong, we love each other and this is not a sin! Our love is the most sacred thing in world and we are lucky to have it. If there is a God, (I can hear you telling me that of course there is a God and that I should never doubt about Him. You're so beautiful when you get mad at me!) He would never judge us for our love. He gave it to us and all we did is to accept his gift. We never wanted to hurt anyone; it can never be our fault if that poor girl is in the hospital now. I keep visiting her everyday, she is mostly unconscious, and when she is awake all that she does is to talk to me about you. She says that you are the nicest person she ever met and that you told her to take good care of me. She wanted me to tell you how sorry she is that she can not take care of me now but promises to get well soon and be by my side. Seeing her that way breaks my heart but it's not my fault! How can it be my fault?!!! I just don't love her... Can you kill someone only by not loving her?

Sorry baby, I just had to share my feelings with you, you're my best friend, my love and my other half... I'm so confused right now. Tell me that it's not my fault if she is dying. I need to hear it from you. Can you believe how I started this letter and how it ended? Do I have the right to write you about her, about my confused mind? All that I wanted was to tell you how I miss you already. A weekend, a week, a month... even a life spent with you would never be enough. I need you by my side to feel alive. I can not wait to meet you again.

With all my love,

Terry