Forget me never...

Letter 3

By mrscage

New York

Oh my God! Freckles?!! Is that you? You are really the one who wrote me this letter? I just can not believe it, I read it again and again...

After sending you the letter, the first weeks I was so excited, waiting for your answer, hoping that you wouldn't waste a time to write to me back...Susanna was surprised to see me that way. Every morning I was waking up with hope and was going to the theater, but two months passed by without receiving any answer from you. Then I realized that it was maybe too much to ask you to write me back. So I decided to forget about the letter and I did. It's easier for me than before to decide to turn off my feelings, to turn off my mind.

Can you imagine my surprise today, when they told me that there was letter for me? During the rehearsal I kept it in my shirt, next to my heart, it was keeping me warm... Mr. Hathaway asked me what was wrong with me because I was forgetting my lines, I was late or early in the timings... Seeing that my mind was elsewhere he gave me the day off, so I took the letter and went to the park, to sit on a bench and read it. My hands were shaking, maybe because of the cold maybe because I was afraid to read your letter, I couldn't open it for a few minutes.

I never would imagine that you would be that mad at me! You used to get angry with me when we were at school and I was teasing you but none of them were like the words you wrote in that letter. You even called me chicken!!! I thought I was doing what you asked me to do! I never would imagine that you would be angry with me because I didn't come to take you back... how could I? You are the one who took the decision and left me. I begged you to let me see you off... I cried and you left, you didn't turn back once! What was I supposed to do? Thinking that I would make you happy, I tried to follow your decision. But I couldn't... So I left everything and came to take you back without even knowing if there was a place in your heart for me. You seemed happy from far and I left! Yes I did! Albert was there with me, he made me realize that, me being drunk and devastated wouldn't be what you would like to see in that moment and he was right. If you were not always like this, cheerful and happy no matter what, if you ever showed me once your true feelings, maybe I wouldn't left without coming to talk to you... But remember, even at the hospital where you left me, you were smiling and telling me that you were alright while I was crying like a baby! I'm tired of taking the blame! If you look for someone to blame in how we ended it's also you, my dear! So you decided to show me NOW your true feelings? Where were you all that time? All that time that you never told me that you loved me?! Even after being slapped just because I kissed you, I kept loving you and dreaming of a future with you. So you're mad at me?!!!! Guess what? I'm mad at you too!!! Damn it! I love you!

Yes... I do love you. But it's just too late for us. I know that... you know that. I made a promise to Susanna, I still have this duty on my shoulders. A really heavy burden to carry. I can not leave her, that would be killing her and we can not build our life on another person's tragedy. I wish you didn't wait that long before showing me that you loved me too... I would never leave you behind when I left St Paul, writing that "Dear Jane" letter. You know this is the biggest regret of my life. It was the beginning of everything... or the end. I left you there at the mercy of the Sisters and Neal... And what you wrote to me about Neal, is that true? Did he kidnap you? That bastard!!!! I wish I was there to kill him right away! I hope that at least Albert did the necessary and made him regret what he did!

I wish I could turn back the hands of time... I would never leave you out of my sight, even for a second. Now I can't even see you for the rest of my life. I have to deal with loosing you and the only way is these letters. I should say that I'm happy that you finally took the decision to write to me back. Tell me more about your life... I want to read about you. Give me something to dream about... And I have one more request from you Freckles, can you send me a picture of yourself? It's been so long since I saw you that I feel as if you were always a dream of mine. I need a picture to remind me that you're real, I want to see your cute freckles again. Is it too much to ask?

With love,

Terry