Forget me never...

Letter 17

Freckles...

How could you do this to me? With my only friend? My mind just doesn't get it. Since I've read the news yesterday, I keep telling myself that it must be a nightmare if it's not a very bad joke. But whatever I do, I can not wake up from it and the newspaper is still in my hands... Is it true? Is it really you, in that picture, wearing a wedding dress, smiling... holding his hand? My sweet freckled darling married another? The girl who was in my arms yesterday, the girl who promised to love me forever... could she do this to me? Could she play with my heart like that? Explain this to me Candy, you owe me at least that... Tell me that you love him, tell me that you always wanted to be with him, that he is your soul mate, or I'm going to get insane! Why you did this Candy? Could I be so wrong about you? What were you doing with me, if you wanted to be with someone else? I can not even say his name... I thought he was like a brother to you, I trusted him... I trusted you...

Did you fall for him when you two were living together? How could I be so blind? I never suspected that you would have that kind of feelings for him... Do you really have feelings for him? Can you feel anything? Can you love? Or are you just a devil disguised in an angel? I was mad at him first, but now I think that he is just another man under your charm... Anthony, Archie, Stear, Neal,... me... and now him... You played with all of us but of course you chose the richest one to marry with! Damn it! You didn't even give me a chance, you hurried to marry him! I was going to have enough money to marry you and also to fulfill my bloody duty to Susanna. I wish she let me die that day... I would rather to be dead than to know that you're someone else's wife...

It's not like you Candy! Even in your last letter, when you were breaking up with me, you said that you loved me... You love me, don't you? Tell me you love me... How can you make love to him when you love me? Do you make love to him? Of course you do... you're his wife now. Freckles, I'm going crazy! Thinking of you and him... together...doing things...that I thought you would do only with me... Does he know that I tasted his sweet, not so innocent wife first? God, I hate you so much Candy for doing this to me!

Tell me, what will I do with my life now? I'm lost... I hate being lost without you... I want to hate you and I hate myself for still wanting to be with you... Damn it! I loved you so much!

Terry