The Chamber [Sequel to Silence]

30

 When I awoke, Pandora was still asleep. It was early evening. Stretching my sore muscles, I slid out of bed and headed out into the corridor. Sleepily, I headed to Raven’s room to check up on her. She was asleep in Eddie’s arms, Karissa and Elliott asleep in their makeshift cot, an old laundry basket filled with cushions, snuffling softly alongside Raven’s soft snores. I smiled and shut the door carefully so as not to wake them. When I turned around I jumped at the sight of Antonia, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. She wore a tired smile and drab grey clothes, shapeless on her skinny body. One of her long sleeves was pulled up, the other left to cover her prosthetic arm. She moved a hand to brush her hair of her face as I turned to her.

 “I was waiting for you to wake up,” she told me “I wondered if you might take a walk with me.”

 “OK,” I said, wondering why she looked so nervous. Though circumstances between us had changed a little since our first visit to District 13 together, there was something new that I couldn’t quite identify creating a barrier between us. Trying to break the awkwardness, I threaded my arm through hers as we walked. Antonia was unresponsive to the gesture.

 Neither of us knew where we were going, and I feared we might get lost. Maybe that was Antonia’s intention. She looked unhappy, though it didn’t surprise me after all we’d been through. Her upset was understandable. But I had a feeling that I might have somehow contributed to her misery. And I wasn’t sure why.

 We reached a flight of stairs and without a word, Antonia sat down on the stairs. She didn’t tell me to sit down. She just stared at me. So I remained standing.

 “Are you OK?” I asked, reaching to touch her shoulder, but she flinched away. She breathed out shakily.

 “No. No I’m not,” she said. There was a long hush as Antonia struggled for words “Arrian. Do you remember how when we were kids, we always used to play tag together? And you’d always have to chase me because you were too slow. Do you know what it’s like to have to chase someone your whole life?” she said, her voice quivering. In truth, I didn’t know what she was talking about. She wiped her hand lazily across her face.

 “You’re too slow for me, I guess. Or maybe I’m too fast. But I’ve been chasing you the wrong way for years, Ari. You’re dragging me backwards, not taking me forwards. And, honey, I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t,” she said, laughing with no humour. I sat beside her, digging my fingers into my hair.

 “I hate it when you do that,” Antonia whispered.

 “Do what?”

 “Mess up your hair like that,” she said. She smiled sadly “And guess what? I hate it when you whistle. I hate it when you go all serious on me. I hate that you’re a bore sometimes. I hate the way you look at Pandora. And I hate the way you don’t look at me. Like I’m invisible.”

“You’re not invis-”

“Oh, really, Arrian? When was the last time you looked at me, huh? When was the last time you really looked at me? It’s been a while, Arrian. Look at me now. Just look at me. What do you see?” And I did. I looked at her, and wondered why the corners of her eyes seemed to crease with age, why her lips were downturned in the corners, why I hadn’t noticed the scar behind her left ear. Why her eyes glistened with unshed tears. She bit her lip.