the nowhere of believers.

2

you ask me why
our relationship
is so overrated as
I wanted to be your warrior.
I wanted you to torture me with
your heartbreaks instead,
till you feel you're
no longer
giving a damn about them,
and till I feel like there is
no more blood coming
out of my tortured body.
I wanted your happiness,
so if you want,
I can be your wall to punch
when your anger arrives.
And I can be the glass
you push from the table
either to stay at the edge
or break by gravity anyway.

I can be the rocks
you throw away.
and then when you remember,
you'll regret doing that
because you didn't mean to hurt something else with a harsh thing.

I became insulted
with tears bullied much
that I'm just a rock
with no feelings,
a smell of hatred.

there are reasons
for your eyes to hurt,
it may be a heart illness,
or it's just the darkness
of your mind,
seeing reality,
and expecting love,
expecting success,
and crying over the realistic.

Actually, the truth is ..
I'm not living there,
but I love to roam
around your heart
so I can protect it
from heartaches
and attacks from time to time.
your lie..
is that I'm just the dog
that is standing
to serve your desires.

the truth ..
is that the elevator of
your heart building sight
is working but they said
my weight is so heavy to get in there.
But it's not..
It's just few people
were hiding in the
same place I led myself to,
I couldnt't see their faces
but they're aiming
to steal your heart
from there too.

But I swear
I wouldn't let them.
It's only mine and
I guess they don't respect that,

Your lie is that
this elevator
isn't even working,
so I'm stuck in the middle
between a stranger and a friend coming to knock your door.

The truth
that I need money,
because it's too precious
and safe to have
so you can win a future life with me.
You're not my money,
but you're what
I love to spend
my money with,
and I feel safe with you
even if wars
comes over for a visit,
I can see a perfect
future life with you.

Your lie ..
is that I'm poor,
and I can't have anything
unless I'm your level, unfortunate?

The truth ..
is that I never
wanted to neglect stuff we had,
I've always won
the exams of who's better at love
because I know everything
about you.
you're a whole
so hard subject,
but I've always loved it,
my students in class
asked me about it and
they've never knew
answers more than me.

Your lie ..
is that I never
passed any of the tests
to the principal of your mind.

The truth ..
is that my friends
always blamed me for
holding your life story book,
and knowing details
at the birthday parties.
I've always said that
it's more interesting
and lovable than
what my eyes saw here.
and I'm thankful to god
I have it for myself.
No one messes
with one page or
put the edge of the pencil on it.
not even marking
their prints on the lines,
not lines, I mean your favorite romantic memories,
I couldn't resist my jealousy,
I couldn't see anyone
touching their lips
with your soft skin.
It's like I'm obsessed with you.

Your lie ..
is that this book
never existed a bit.

The lasting truth: ..
telling him
to stay alive for me.

His lie award:
"stay alive? Like a rock? No. "
*throws it to lake*  from then,
I knew I didn't need
his hands all over me.
I thought I'm unbreakable
rock but now
I remember how painful
it is to be
thrown to nowhere
and being used by dirty hands.

A rock can find itself again.
It's also like a human.
it only changes
depending on seasons.

you can see a rock
later turning into a mountain.
But may all my edges
make you fall from high
when you climb if you dared.

-Clary Elvis