the nowhere of believers.

20

You left the unspoken feelings
in my eyes,
my body and my hands
refused the love I
wanted to show you.
though it's in my mind,
the very unstoppable thought.
my heart was crying
I knew I'll never make you mine,
not because you're so hard to get,
it's because I'll never know how you feel who's me in your imagination
and what you hold in it.
I'm not scared of the dark as much as I'm scared to loose you someway.
I'm being now careful of every step I take not to throw your trust away from me accidentally.
you're just like the light in my room, even when it's off, it will make sense.
don't wanna be a frozen heart to the fire of your anger any more.
only your ways of communication could speak to me and
affect me for real.
I'm in love with you it's so hard stuck in my throat & I cannot get it out to cure me of the love disease.
it's too silly how you're scared of my reactions, but you never know the difference from time to time.
yesterday, I was jealous.
today, I'm just hurt.
I'll be hurt and hurt, till I get no feelings, Id rather be damaged by you, than leaving you alone.
I'll be your loyalty.
and the warm heart you can run to.
Just in case u needed me, I'll be here to sacrifice my whole heavy self for you. cause you're my soldier.
one day you'll defend me in your own way, I'll be thankful even if it's less than it should be.
don't want your tears cause I wanna see this beautiful face
shining as always.
please don't let me be alone.
I know you got someone else who did less effort of love to you than me  you're always paying attention to and forgot who's watching you all the time from the back. I'm in love with you.
so bad it hurts like hell on earth,
so bad like you planted me as a greenish tree from the beginning and now that you had to get busy with the garden, as I was used before.
goddamn, you selfish.
I've been used a lot.
I've been used for your whole service. and desires. while I gave you
all of me.
I am damaged I am burned like your wooden house all on the floor only as dead paper and ashes.
now give me a reason why I had to deal with all the pain to get your love? Don't you think I deserve it better, more like... Deserve it best?
I never been too selfish for money or whatsoever to make you happy.
look at the difference;
I wanted you happy. and you wanted me damaged.
guess you're happy I'm damaged with your love.
and I was never happy with your damaged mind.

-ClaryElvis