the nowhere of believers.

28

Their words makes me
obey the dreadful rules
and the horrible missions
in order to stay alive
for the longest time.
I really can see
that he's in love with me,
but I really wanna know
if I'm really... Really the best to him?
how can it be when I am the one who messed up his beautiful life?
I ruined his moments.
He said I'm like an Angel.
but how am I supposed to believe such pretty words knowing how shameful of me to just regret what I did for him and not do anything
about it like he deserved
something bad like that.
How could I ruin my lover's
days so carelessly like that?
though i was sure of him being happy before, it feels like jealousy that I wasn't  happy for him and I wanted to pull all that happiness from his eyes so I can just smile or feel better about myself selfishly..
but what about his
feelings deep down?
I bet the words he didn't speak to me about will just break me as twice.

He's strictly beautiful.
His silence was a beauty.
His nods.
the way he laughed that had limits.
I feel like I became a zombie, cause I killed all the natural beauty
he held in his soul.
drowning with thoughts of hunger, hunger to stay in a place
where there is blood, red blood, love.

Love, could've been better,
If we sacrificed our hearts & get out
of our chests by hands.
just to hold other's hands by
pure intentions and for not feeling regret of breaking hearts,
living the moment.
and re-create the heart
the truly lives and grows fed by love.
only like Zombies.
it's nothing wrong to be attached
to the simplest things
the little things.
because they sound like everything.
that's why we only see zombies
wherever blood comes from,
I guess, they need to feel loved too.

It sounds like everything.
the everything that's gonna
end somehow,
They pull a heart with a second,
and pull it out the other.
even though in two seconds,
they start the death of something new.
-ClaryElvis