the nowhere of believers.

19

It hurts like a cut from your thumb whenever you hold something new.

Pushing everything away to back off.
tell me how can I start over?
you set me free
with the hours on your watch. 

All I ever had was your love,
& all what I thought of.
I felt like an empty new house,
still trying to get life in it.
because you never pressed on play,
you skipped me a lot of times.
I never needed anyone,
if I were you I would've said that.
you're surrounded with a dark blank,
you're the blind stranger
and I'm the light behind you.

I could give up on my everything
to stay, I could get myself damaged
because of you, and your coldness.

my father felt too sorry for me as
I am also blinded by your love,
and thoughts of you loving me too.
how could you spit out your harsh words so easily? about another girl, that you saw only once or twice?

And it's like you falling
in love got on extreme speed.
what makes you think that
I'll be all alright?
I gave of lots of fucks about
you and me.
but we've never knew
how'll be if it's a " we " .
you should have not
told me baby.
all I wanted was your
promise; to be my real lover.

Too bad,
your heart beats goes
quicker more than any time now.
to bring a new story.
and give another heart that cares about you, less beats.

the movie playing in my head was just like scenes of you pushing me to a tree so you could do what
you want from me.

every morning I was dying
to let you know,
even tho I knew
you'll never feel what I felt,
or accept it.
I wanted you, always did.
thought of lots of ways
stopping my nervousness
around people when im
overthinking about us.

I got to the point,
I felt hatred gotten from
you in letters. I cried, yes I did.
but that doesn't mean I'm giving up, I'm truly into you. nothing in this world could cut us off.

God please,
I even want him to exist with me,
to paradise. and get lost together..
In a beautiful heavinly garden.

I missed your affection,
that I kept on watching romantic movies overnight,
hoping those flashbacks
arrives back one day to
the time your mind was
in your head.
and I was the happiest. 

I feel hopeless as I remember this.
there's no way you can
watch the films we acted of
in my head.
must be feeling this way.
fuck your pride, boy.

-ClaryElvis