the nowhere of believers.

11

I kissed his scars
he complained about.
the scars that said it was never "us".
and i gave him little more love.
looking into his dark eyes,
the dark eyes that said i left him broke once upon a time.

My eyes were talking about why I rather not to ask about what happened between us.
when I didn't come over for a while.
he confessed that he lost his home
& he lied to himself saying he didn't do anything right for
both of us to stay in touch.
and he finally uttered " where do you think freedom could lead me
when i feel so high? "
and with that, i knew loosing home is being out of mind too.
i can see that his heart
became so blind,
closing his eyes as he begs for fear to run somewhere away from him.
sometimes you want to come back to old memories, but the home of memories
can make you feel just as unwanted.
you're ain't welcome to
that home anymore.
and if you think you should arrive as quick as possible, you'll only feel ashamed of home.
and it may disturb your soul
as much as it hurts.
and i am very sorry to tell you that you shouldn't fix this miserable place even if its close enough to look beautiful.
cause you didn't deserve
those with me.
i could regret this thing till my death,
just pay attention to your plans everyday. i'm sure life would pleasure you and time will pass faster and faster even if it looked like just a bottle of alcohol kissing
your sweet lips.
i loved about you that you liked calling me your all time rose, it used to make me smile like a cringy highschool girl.
this season is so cold, its the time for you to find a new home than me where you feel warm
and  simply happy.
you stood there watching  my eyes and drowning with the thought that your home ain't the one you saw in your memory anymore.
didn't you notice the damage in your all time home?
your beautiful rose became so frozen it hurts your fingertips.
no signs why she changed but I think you should just pick one of the roses near by your garden that you used to water every day.
the most one that would
satisfy your eyes.
this frozen rose represent this frozen heart, this so-much-pale-soul inside,
this innocent story.
on the other hand you can see a red rose in front of you,
that represents energy of harmful love, her so romantic words.
the way you want it to be.
i can smell your mistakes,
its like fire in my throat.

-ClaryElvis