Helpline ~ Shoey

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

~Joey's POV~

I sat alone. It felt awful. I kept taking sneaky glances at where he should be sitting, but alas, he wasn't there. The other kids kept staring at me, whispering with their neighbour about the reason I was sitting alone. A part of me hoped that they had pity on me. But I knew they were just snickering. Enjoying my pain.

None of them cared for Shane. They never did. They were happy he wasn't here. But I certainly wasn't. I missed him. Special Ed just wasn't the same with him.

My mind wouldn't allow me to concentrate on my studies. The sheet in front of me needed filling in almost 10 minutes ago. And yet I was still sat here, hoping and praying the questions would answer themselves and I could crawl under a cave a be left to my own sorrows.

I hadn't returned to the hospital since saying my goodbyes. According to Teresa, his mother, Shane's state was the same as it was on Saturday when we saw him. Still alive, but almost gone. Sawyer had been back a few times, but I decided to hang back. I figured he might keep himself going as long as I was visiting. But if I stayed away, he could cross over to the afterlife peacefully, and finally escape the pain the Doctor is convinced he's suffering.

I wasn't sure how to take it all. My dad had tried to sit me down and talk about 'loss' of people we love. But I hadn't lost Shane yet. He was still here in front of me? Or rather, the physical form of him was here. The inner, truer mind of Shane was far from within our grasp.

"Joey?" I pulled my mind away from my thoughts. My teacher, Miss Camborne was stood in front of my desk. She looked worried and concerned. The genuine kind, not the pathetic kind i was receiving from everyone else. I blinked at her a few times. "You maybe wanna step outside for a few moments?"

I nodded in agreement, getting up from my seat and stepping out into the hallway. It was silent out here, and it reminded me of my loneliness once again. I looked up at my teacher. Hoping she would be able to take my pain away. Teachers are meant to know everything, right? Maybe she knows how to get over this?

"Joey, I know it's hard right now. I know you miss your friend. And I really do feel sorry for you." I leant against the wall, taking in her words. "When I lost my sister, everyone always told me not to cry." She started tearing up, and I felt myself do the same. My dad had been saying to me is to keep it together and not cry. "But when you're hurt, you cry. So I've written you a note, saying you can head down to the school councillors office. She's pretty good at letting kids cry."

I accepted her note, holding it firmly between my shaking fingers. Taking myself back into the classroom to collect up my things and head back out to the corridor. I walked slowly to her office. Enjoying the quite of the hallways. But it struck me when I realised that I had met Shane here. In these hallways, in this building. I learnt to love him and now I was having to learn to say goodbye.

As I reached her office, I felt a strange feeling overcome me. Hasn't Shane seen the councillor a lot? I tapped on the door and took myself in. It was empty except for her, sitting on her desk looking tired and run down. She was a young woman of about 25. Wearing all brown suit with a blazer, her blonde hair tied back into a pony tail. Her black rimmed glasses just perched onto her nose. She gave me a warm smile as I handed over the note.

"Take a seat" she said, very warmly. I did as instructed, setting myself down onto the leather couch in the centre of the room. I could already feel the tears build up. I looked at the ground, knowing her gaze was right on me.

She plucked a tissue from the box on the little coffee table in front of the couch. As she handed it to me, I felt my first tear fall down my cheek.

"How much did he mean to you?" She asked me, giving me a sympathetic look.

"Everything" I sighed, my voice breaking as I did so. It was true though, he did mean everything to me. He was my best friend. My boyfriend. I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him.

"Tell me about the emotions you're feeling right now?" She scribbled something down on a notebook on her lap.

"I don't even know. I'm just so lost without him. I'm empty inside, because the part of my life that completed me is gone." I started crying more now.

"I think you're in denial, Joey. You haven't learnt to accept that he's gone"

"But how do I get over him?" I asked, wishing I could have reworded that sentence.

"Well, best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" she said casually. I stared at her, wide eyed. What did she just suggest?