Diary of a Recovering Idiot

Chapter 6 - Divorce Him, Not Your Family

        

I mentioned it a little before, but now I'm going to tell you how far I let Walter go in his systematic destruction of my life. Now, there is no denying that you can divorce your husband and he can do the same to you, but at no point can you divorce your family. You can't choose your family and you sometimes don't get along, but when times become horrible and you need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to help you get back on your feet, your family is often there for you.

Me, I found myself out to sea, with few friends and well, as for my family, I hardly saw them or spoke to them. How did that happen? Well, let's just say I let my husband convince me that they didn't really want what was best for me so I started to distance myself from them. As a result, who did I have to turn to now in this time of trouble? No one.

Was she stupid, you must be asking? How could she let him do that? Well people, this she can only say it seemed like she was more than a little stupid and very naive. My husband was the smoothest of talkers and had the ability to make me laugh. Sadly, while I was busy laughing I couldn't see that daily he pulled me further and further away from my family with every little thing he did.

Was I that blind? Like I said, Walter was smooth, and it was gradual. Insisting that we go to his family for whatever occasion or making it seem only natural that we should spend the holiday by ourselves to start our own traditions. When we did go to see my family or friends, it would be nothing but endless comments that made whomever we were with angry.

As a result, my family and I were always quarreling about Walter and I began to believe him when he insisted that they were against him because they didn't understand 'US'. Or his best argument bar none, 'they are jealous and they don't want you to be happy'. Walter was my happiness after all. Everything my family did seem to confirm what he was saying, they were jealous and I could only reach my full potential if I got away from them.

So we moved in together, got married and as every day went by I had less and less of my family around me. By the time I had my first child, I lived in a vacuum and the only thing of importance to me was my husband and my baby, Kylie. I only had a handful of friends to begin with, and soon one by one even they stopped come over. Each time I talked to them it was like someone had thrown me a lifeline, but still I didn't seem to realize what a controlled, isolated life I lived. I had Walter so everything was perfect. Or was it?

It was with the birth of my second child I began to realize that, other than work and maybe to run errands, I never went anywhere for pleasure. Another thing I also realized was that I hardly saw my husband. He was always 'busy'. His excuse was mostly work or an event for work and I believed every word he said. After all, as an insurance agent, he needed to socialize to move up in his job and there was no one to watch the kids so I had to stay home with them.

Often when I think back to the amount of crap I took as gospel from Walter without a question, it seemed as if when I met Walter I dropped my brain out of my head and ran off behind him. I had no opinions of my own and what he said was always right. I tried to make the best of the world I was living in, going on like there was nothing wrong but I was fooling myself. I excelled at this pastime. Pushing aside the little voice in my head trying to get my attention, telling me that something was desperately wrong.

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon when, for the first time in a long time, my husband came home early. Yes even on Sundays my husband was 'busy'. The kids and I were sat watching the television when he came in. I got up, shared out his meal, heated it, then placed it on the table along with something to drink. He ate it without a word of thanks then got up leaving the plate on the table and went into the patio and just sat there. Always trying to please him, I got up, cleared the table and went to find out if he wanted anything.

On that faithful day, Walter looked up at me, contempt all over his face and I stepped back, shocked by the look. Why was the husband I loved with all my heart looking at me like this? Bluntly he told me he wanted a divorce, that he had a woman and he wanted out of our dead marriage. He said that I looked like crap and I did nothing for him. I just stood there looking at him, completely lost, unable to compute what I just heard.

When I finally found my voice to ask him what he had just said, he repeated it again like he was telling me he wanted a glass of water and I didn't hear him the first time. Then he got up to walk out and that was when I began, like I said before, 'unwomaning' myself. He didn't care. No, he simply walked out the door and left. I was on the floor crying and it was my daughter who came to me trying to figure out what was going on. To this day don't ask me what she said to me. All I can vaguely remember was being taken through the house to my bedroom, falling onto the bed and crying for I don't know how long.

I was devastated, and for days, I walked around in a daze not hearing a thing that was said to me. I operated like a robot on automatic and it was only when my sister Linda saw me in the supermarket just looking at the macaroni and not moving, that someone actually talked to me.

She took me to a nearby coffee shop and asked me if I had looked at myself lately. I was still out of it but when Linda shook me until my head wobbled on my neck, then I slowly began to come to myself. I told her what Walter said and she asked if I was living in a hole, it seems everyone knew he had a woman, correction women. He didn't hide it.

She dressed me down in the worst way and asked me where was the vibrant girl she knew while she was growing up? Where was my backbone? Linda explained that was the reason why the family had been telling me Walter was no good. They knew all about his dirty deeds, the multitude of women he was involved with, but I just let him warp my mind.

Her advice, snap out of it. Get rid of the grandma look and start to live my life without the deadbeat that kept me locked in misery for so long. That day, her talk rekindled the spark that had died in my life and she gave me the little tip about forty being the new twenty. I so needed that boost. We talked for a long time and I took her vital advice.

Her insistence that I move on with my life was what pushed me to sort myself out, starting firstly with the much-needed makeover that I got for my birthday. Linda urged me to remember my dreams, but most of all start to dream again. Her words came at the perfect time and I used them as a way to push myself forward. The reconnection with my sister was important and it was a major first step forward.

When I think back over the past few years to the position I now find myself in, I realize if I had been closer to my family a lot of the things I was too blind to see would have been brought to my attention. Be it either by a well-meaning, or angry family member. All in all, I never would have married my husband and I would be in a better position.

No one who comes into your life should try to cut you off from your family. Family will always fight, but true family bands together in tough times. If you cut yourself off, when the man leaves you high and dry, there will be no one there to help you pick up the pieces he deliberately scattered. I have my sister back and I know it will be lead slowly but surely to the rest of my family.