Every day in life we encounter numerous things and people who are unlike anything we've ever come across, and that's what makes life interesting. Around us, there is always something going on to keep life from becoming a tedious process, or better yet you learn to make your own fun. Sadly, I somehow didn't really know what was going on outside my door so I never went to the many events that occurred around me.
Furthermore, while we were together, my beloved husband convinced me that most of the events going on weren't interesting even though he was always going out to something. He made it seem like every event he went to was work related but in truth, he would rather not have to go. I really was very stupid to think of all the activities going on not a single one could be of interest to me.
Somehow I was oblivious of the many things I could attend that didn't involve partying, so it ended up that I just stayed at home in a bubble of inactivity. If I did go out, other than work related, it was mainly to run errands or to ferry the kids back and forth to their numerous activities.
It was ridiculous how inactive I was. I didn't even exercise. It was only the fact I came from a family with good genes that stopped me from ballooning to an outrageous size. After Walter left, I realized how much I had hampered my life by being so isolated from the world that was going on outside my door, and I knew it had to stop.
First I had to find out what was going on around me, consider what I was interested in doing. Then most important of all, actually do it. What I realized from a book called "Ins and Outs", just one of my new information sources, was the possibilities for activity was much more diverse than I could have imagined.
It was like I literally forgot that there was a life that occurred that didn't include Walter, and like I said it was just about pleasing him. My discovery had me speechless to see what I had been missing for all those years. Some of them I wasn't sure about, but I wouldn't mind discovering what happens at polo, and if I liked jazz, not to mention the endless festivals that happened year round.
With that in mind, I made sure I keep my ears and eyes open to discover what is going on and find out if I wanted to attend. I try not to dwell on the past but too often I flash back and wonder how I let this happened to me? Was I so blind to what was going on around me, so caught up with my husband and family that I missed everything? So blind that I didn't realize that my husband had another woman, correction women.
Truthfully it sickened me to even think back to the way I behaved, acted. Whenever I thought about Walter and how I let him control my life, my anger at myself boiled. I had given up every ounce of the individuality that made me unique and let a man mold me into his servant. I couldn't even say I was his toy because most people at least played with their toys every once in a while. It was sad, sad and sickening but happily over for good.
The first event I've been to so far was a lecture and exhibition at the museum. It wasn't attended by a large number of people, but enough that I slowly began to break out of my shell and talk to people. Whenever possible I'm attending events, learning more with everyone but most of all, meeting new people.
I didn't expect to find a new best friend by going out, but I hoped to eventually cultivate a group of acquaintance that I can go out with. This will no doubt take time but, considering how long I have lived in a vacuum, I don't mind. The things that you really want never seem to come quickly, and sometimes it takes longer than you want but that I'm moving forward is the whole point.
Another amazing experience that I discovered recently was to go watch horse racing. It's not just the pounding excitement of the horses bursting through the gates and trying to see who gets to the finish line first, but the people you get to meet between races. It was like a huge fair or picnic, with food and drink as well as activities for the children. For some people, it's just an excuse to get out of the house and hang out with their friends, and they make it a point to go every week. I met some amazing people the first time I went and I must admit it was something I wouldn't mind doing again.
Going to these events have really allowed me to step into my own and it shocks me to see how easily I now start conversations with random people. I used to be able to do it before without hesitation, but as time went on and I became more isolated, I began to block out life.
Things are really changing now and I feel a lot more comfortable. Another activity that contributed to me crawling out of that shell is, surprisingly, walking. I have started walking while the children are at the pool training and by doing this I'm interacting with the other parents more and this is really helping with my interpersonal skills.
So bring on the jazz festival, horse racing, polo season and the many other things that I have missed and don't plan to miss anymore. Not to mention the people from all walks of society from whom I discover more about life and how much I don't know about what goes on around me. My reawakening is coming along nicely, each discovery amazing as windows of new things open to me.
Also, but perhaps the most important of all, I started to exercise. I went to the doctor and got an assessment and he told me I wasn't doing too bad for my age but any little thing I could do to help things along would be a good thing. So while the children are in the pool swimming, I'm walking and I have also built up the courage to finally, yes I said finally, learn to swim. Yes hard-back woman like me and afraid of the though of swimming, but I'm over being frightened. I have joined a swimming class and I'm doing quite well if you please.
Out of all of this, the most important thing is that I'm finally out of the house and have found the determination to make sure that I'm no longer hiding from the world. Each day will bring something new into my life no matter how small or trivial it may seem to other people. I will be finally living life, grabbing each experience and milking it for all its worth, because I have come to the conclusion that life is much too short not to enjoy it.
YOU ARE READING
Diary of a Recovering Idiot
ChickLit"It's time to trade up to a newer model," said Walter. "I had you for twenty years too long." Those were the words that threw my life into a tailspin and placed me on a journey of chaotic rediscovery. Soon it was a matter of surviving because I had...
