Diary of a Recovering Idiot

Chapter 26 - Learning to say N. O.

        

To say I have been a pushover for much of my adult life is pretty much an understatement but my efforts to correct this problem is backed by determination. Gone is the mouse that could be told to do anything and jumped faster than a soldier in the army and in its place is a strong, determined woman who understands the need to have a personal opinion. Coming to this point was not easy, and the path was littered with more hidden landmines than I care to recall, but I'm learning to spot the signs as I go along.

Thinking back I can remember one Christmas season I had a desk full of work that needed to be finished by Christmas Eve. This wasn't even taking into account the other personal things I needed to deal with. Every second that passed seemed to bring more work, and this wasn't work given to me by my boss. If you could believe it, it was the work of my beloved work colleagues who were dropping their work on my desk, with a slew of manufactured, half-assed excuses and pleading with me to do it for them.

Like the dodo bird I was, I did it all and I was so exhausted that on Christmas day I was falling asleep in my food. It came back to me as I saw one of those tricksters gliding my way with a stack of files in her hand. She had been on leave for a while so she had missed my epiphany and subsequent transformation, though I'm sure she heard of it through the gossip mill. When I saw her coming at me I knew she was going to test me, and I had to get myself in the frame of mind to exercise my ability to say N. O., NO. My gut told me without a doubt she would try to play me just like she did so many times before.

Sure enough, she slid up to my desk like the sly fox she was and casually placed her pile of files on my table. Then she started to spew a roll of crap and I didn't have clue what she said but I was on the ball when she dropped a talk to you later, then walked away towards the bathroom leaving the files on my desk. I said nothing and smiled, got up with the same pile and when she sashayed back from the bathroom thinking she could sit back and twiddle her thumbs while she chatted on the phone, she found the huge pile right in the middle of her desk.

I couldn't help but laugh at the words that came out of her mouth when she made the discovery of the files right back the same place they had started. She took them up and started to bring them to me again but when I looked up and pinned her with an "I dare you!" look, she stopped in her tracks. It ended up being a wordless conversation but it had the desired effect, her turning around still with the files in hand, and going back to her desk. She got my point.

That was easy but all the other incidents, and they were many, all had their degree of difficulty but by practicing things that seem hard it becomes just as easy as breathing. The people on the receiving ends of these NOs are far from pleased, they liked the old me they could manipulate. Who doesn't like their own personal gofer doing all their work without protest? They were living on easy street but now a permanent roadblock has been erected and daily more reinforcements were being added to make sure it stayed strong.

In the midst of all of this Walter, bidding his time had chosen to come to me with his usual crap. It seems his newfound freedom was not sitting well and to make matters worst his new woman was driving him up a wall just like I knew she would. It was late one night after the kids had gone to bed when my cell phone rang and it was Walter. He was due to take the kids for the coming weekend and it wasn't uncommon for him to call to know if there were any pre-arranged activities he needed to know about. This time that wasn't the reason for his call, in fact, it was far from it.

When his greeting was followed by a, "what are you up to?" I paused in the middle of flicking through the channels, shocked. This is the man who left me without a "by your leave", now asking what I was doing? Had he added taking drugs to his womanizing because he could only be high to be asking me that question? My lack of answer prompted a barrage of hellos to make sure I was still on the line. Finally, I answered, wanting to know why he would ask such a question. He paused not expecting me to react this way. I frankly didn't know why he wouldn't, after all, he knew how much I had changed.

Then he started to spew a bunch of nonsense about how much he missed me, and that he wanted to see me and talk. I let him talk and tried to contain my raising anger. How dare he come to me saying this after he had tossed me aside like I was nothing but an unwanted, old, dingy, underwear? Like I said he must have lost his cotton-picking mind. For once I had to be thankful my tongue didn't fail me. I unleashed on him like a caged wild animal. I let him know in no way, form or fashion did I want anything to do with him unless it was in relation to our children. I knew his ears had to be on fire when I put down the phone on him. The nerve.

The N.O. is now is full effect and I'm not holding it back when it needs to be unleashed against the agents of stupidity. The results are actually turning out quite well and I'm happy to say persons are now understanding I'm not their doormat to be walked over. The feeling of this newly added confidence makes me feel stronger and daily I try to give that same sense of strength to my children. Strong parents breed strong children once they are well nurtured and I strive to do that. The last thing I want is emotionally crippled children and with every breath in my body, I'll make sure they understand that sometimes you must tell people NO.