Me Without You

chapter four

3:19 a.m. Sunday, June 5th

I woke up to the screen of my phone lit up and buzzing in the middle of the night, I leaned over to see what it was.

'Incoming call from: Tyler💘'

Wasn't expecting that, it's probably another one of his surprises. I answered the call and sat up.

"Hello?" I asked.
"Cassidy hi," the voice did not belong to Tyler, but rather his mother. "I have to tell you something."

"Wh-what is it?" I stuttered, "What's going on, is Tyler okay?"

"That's what I called to tell you," I held my breath as she spoke. "Tyler is no longer with us." she started to cry, "He took his own life last night."

I stared at the wall.
I let my phone fall into my lap.
That can't be true.
He was getting better.
Or at least he made it seem that he was.

I replay my last conversation with him.

is this what he meant by "I'll miss you."?

I'll miss him, forever.

I wanted him forever, how could he leave me like this.

I could hear his mother talking, but I didn't hear her words.

"Cassidy? Are you still there?" I heard her say a few times. I pick up my phone.

"I'm sorry," I said, only half aware of my words. "Is there anything I can do to make this any easier for you?" I asked without really listening to my own words.

"No sweetheart," she was sobbing harder now. "I'm sorry. I knew how much he meant to you."

"I just- " My bursts of crying made it hard to talk.

"I just don't understand," I cried harder, and harder as the minutes passed."

"I don't either." his mother cried into the phone.

I tried to stop my hysterics for a few seconds.

"Mrs. Jacobs," I whispered into the phone, "do you want me to come over?"

There was silence on the line for a long time, then still crying she said, "I couldn't ask you to do that at this hour."

"I insist." I said. She was such a kind women, I had to try to help her through this, no matter how much of a mess I was.

I hung up the phone after saying I'd be over in a bit. I walked over to a mirror.

I stared at my reflection not knowing what to think. My hair was a mess and my makeup smudged.

He still would have said I looked beautiful.

I proceeded to look at myself, the shirt I was wearing,

It had belonged to him.
It still smelled like him.
He was all around me,

His words in my ears.
His clothes in various locations in my room.
The necklace around my neck.

I started crying, not lightly. I couldn't breathe. It felt like everything I had ever known was taken away from me and I could never smile again. I opened my phone to see a picture of us and the display of the time.

I threw my phone at my bed.

I'll never see him again.
I'll never feel safe in his arms again.
I'd never get to marry him.
Or grow old with him.

I grabbed my keys and phone and walked to the kitchen and tried to stop thinking.

I scribbled a note telling my parents where I was and left it on the counter just in case.

I drove down the roads trying to stay aware of my surroundings

//Flashback\\
12:43 a.m. December 14th
|| My phone rang, I looked over and it was Tyler, weird I thought. Pretty late for him to call.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone.

"Hi sweetie it's Tyler's mom, Mrs. Jacobs."

I started to get worried, why was she calling me from his phone??

"Wh- what's going on?" I stuttered.

"I'm calling you from the hospital, around a half hour ago I found Tyler-" she sounded as if she was holding back tears. "I found him half-conscious on the floor of the bathroom bleeding out from his arms." She started crying.

I rushed to the hospital. ||

4:02 a.m. Sunday, June 5th

The flashbacks wouldn't stop. It doesn't make sense. When he was released from the hospital, they stuck him in therapy for a long time.

As I drove I couldn't stop thinking about him. His last "i love you" haunted my thoughts.