Me Without You

chapter fourteen

// this chapter is a bit heavy and depressing just a heads up //
2:13 p.m. June 20th

We sat in my car and ate cookies that she claimed were the best she'd ever eaten.

After a few minutes of almost silence she looked up from the bag of cookies and said, "Listen, I know you're probably not going to believe me when I say this but, I know what you're going though." She glanced down at my exposed wrist covered in cuts and scars. As I rushed to tug my sleeves down embarrassed, she stopped me and said, "I understand."

I just stared at her for a good few seconds in awe, before she said, "I lost my mom a few years back."

She looked like she was about to cry now, I just took her hand and let her continue the story.

"My dad see, he's in prison. For beating my mom. My jaw dropped and she started crying a bit. He got my mom pregnant and then abused her. After she was about three months pregnant, he beat her up one night really bad. My aunt who lived next door at the time heard her screaming and called for help.

They took my mother to the hospital and locked my dad up. Needless to say, I never met him, and I never want to.

My mom became a drug addict and an alcoholic years after I was born. And one night in April about three years ago, she lost it, and hung herself.

I found her in the morning, had several panic attacks, and didn't know what to do. The only person I could think of to call was my aunt, so I did. She came over and told me to wait in my room until she got everything sorted out.It didn't feel real, I couldn't accept it. I cried for days and didn't want to see any of my friends. I only got worse from there.

I barely ate for three months and hurt myself in every way I could. I would cut, drink, smoke, starves and more. Any substance or opportunity that came my way, I would abuse. Until my aunt found me the night I tried to overdose. I had taken pills, but not enough I guess." She looked down, a few tears going down her face.

"She made me vomit and took me to the hospital an got my stomach pumped. All I wanted was to die. I didn't understand why she wouldn't let me go"

"She took all my blades and drugs, and cut me off from alcohol. She watched me non stop, and took me out as much as possible. "

The way she helped me through recovery was amazing, she tried as much as she could to show me the beauty in life and didn't stop until I believed her."

She smiled a little and said, "She took me here once a week and bought me cookies telling me they were the closest thing to heaven you could buy."

She looked up solemn again and said "As soon as I thought everything was okay, my aunt was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She died a few months later."

She sighed and said, "I was devastated and heart broken." She was crying more now. "After about a few months of crippling depression, hurting myself constantly and suicidal thoughts, I thought back to when I lost my mom and everything my aunt did for me. She obviously wanted me alive. So I tried my best to get better" She wiped away a few tears and shrugged, "So, here I am."

I didn't say anything, I just hugged her, and she hugged me back.

After we broke the hug she looked at me and asked, "Where are your friends now?" I just looked down and said, "I don't really have any anymore." I sighed realizing the truth of what I was saying, "They all abandoned me after what happened.

She just stared at me and said "It's funny how I lost all my friends during both hard times." She looked away for a minute, then stated, "I guess they say they'll always be here for you, but they never are when you need them to be."

I hugged her again, and she hugged me back. We just stayed like that for a few minutes, in my car, in the parking lot of a bakery.

I drove her home after and she gave me her number. "Call me," she said, "literally whenever, it can be 3 a.m. and you jut want some french fries call me and I'm there." She laughed and then we said goodbye and she went inside.

I went home and took a few sleeping pills and got into bed. It was only 6:40 p.m. but I was tired of being awake.

~*~