Me Without You

chapter seven

9:37 a.m. June 4th

I woke up not knowing where I was. After realizing I was in Tyler's bed I rolled over expecting to see him asleep.

When he wasn't there, the memories of the night before came flooding back to me.

I couldn't breath, suffocated by the weight of everything I just remembered.

the call
the drive here
my final moments with him
the piercing silence
going through his closet
the notes
the pictures

the ring.

I picked up my phone from next to me and scrolled through my notifications.

A missed call from my mom, texts from a few friends.

no good morning text, for the first time in a very long time.

The feeling of emptiness cascaded over me again. I couldn't stay in his room any longer, I might completely lose it. I took the things I picked up the previous night and my stuff and left.

I ducked into his bathroom and rummaged through the cabinets until I found what I was looking for,

Sleeping pills. He had thousands maybe  more.

When I got down to the kitchen his mother wasn't there. She must have had to leave for work or something.

There was a note on the table

"Cassidy,
you're welcome to any food in the house and please do remember to lock up when you leave."

I simply took my things and left, making sure to lock the door. I couldn't even think of eating right now.

I drove home in silence.

When I got home my father had already left for work, my brother for school but my mother hadn't left yet. I went inside, the first thing she did was hug me.

"You don't have to go to school."

"What about tomorrow?" I asked.

"You can have today and tomorrow if you really need it but after that I'm going to need you to go back."

"Okay." was all I said before I went to my room and set down everything I was carrying on the end of my bed and sat starting at my own reflection.

I couldn't do anything right now and it felt like I wouldn't be able to ever again.

I decided it was dangerous to stay awake took two sleeping pills and went to sleep.

~*~

When I woke up again it was a little after 4:00 in the afternoon

the quiet of my house was louder than ever. I couldn't afford to be alone with my thoughts now of all times. I grabbed headphones wondering where my brother was. I concluded at one of his friends houses.

I shuffled the music and checked the screen of my phone

it was 4:12 and a song that Tyler had shown me played.

I fell to the floor sobbing yet again. I changed the song again and again, every single one reminded me of him, somehow.

Finally realizing that I had run out of songs and playlists, I thought maybe leaving the house was a better idea.

I drove to a small shop that not a huge amount of people knew was there. Tyler brought be there one day in the first month we were dating.

// flashback \\
1:28 p.m.
|| "Shhh" he said smiling and laughing, "If you stop asking where we're going we'll get there a lot faster."

"That doesn't even make sense," I laughed and told him. "Just tell me pleaseeeee."

"C'mon it's a surprise."

"Ugh okay." I agreed to stay quiet."

He pulled into a small parking lot and got out of the car.

"This is my all time favorite place to get ice cream." he smiled and he reached out and grabbed my hand.

We bought large containers of ice cream and went back to his house.

Once we were in the living room I sat down on his couch watching him walk over to the tv.

"So what's your favorite movie?" He asked me.

"I don't know," I laughed.

"Well," he said "I'll give you one than." he stated with a sort of evil grin.

"What are we watching?" I asked as I went to get spoons for the ice cream."

"THE BREAKFAST CLUB" he screamed from the other room. ||

After I bought the ice cream I drove back home and put on the breakfast club. I ate maybe three spoonfuls of ice cream through the entire movie. When it ended I decided that 7:40pm was a good enough time to go to sleep.

I took another sleeping pill and brushed my teeth.

I stripped of everything I was wearing except the tank top I was wearing and underwear. I grabbed one of Tyler's sweatshirts and climbed into bed.

~*~