Me Without You

chapter nine

7:30 a.m. June 6th

I woke up feeling like I didn't sleep at all but I didn't dream at all so that's good.

The feeling like today was going to be okay was quickly rethought when I realized that today I had to go back to school.

I put on black leggings and Tyler's sweatshirt. I couldn't care less what I looked like so I didn't bother with makeup. I brushed through my hair quickly and went outside without talking to anyone.

It was only 8 a.m. I had a half hour before school started and I lived maybe three minutes away.

I sat alone at a table in the corner of the cafeteria when I got to school. I wasn't looking forward for this.

The few friends I had didn't bother contacting me over the past two days. As soon as the bell rang for first period I ran off towards the direction of my first class.

It felt like time was passing around me and I sat and watched it. When lunch came I went to the nurse and faked sick. She let me go home but only because when she wasn't looking I put my fingers down my throat and threw up in the middle of her office.

I drove home myself because both of my parents worked.

I felt like sleeping was the only way to pass time. So I took a sleeping pill and laid down. I ate almost nothing that day, like the last two days except I was eating less daily. I tried to stop thinking and drifted into a half-conscious sleep.

I woke up around 6 p.m. and felt again like I never slept.

I went downstairs and everyone stared at me like I was some fragile child and saying anything to me would crush me. They spoke to me strangely and kept saying things like "I'm sorry." and "You shouldn't have to go through this at your age." "it's not your fault." My father would awkwardly hug me and my mother ask me to eat something. I declined and walked around them into the living room.

I was emotionless. Even my mother began to notice when I wouldn't smile or laugh at anything I usually would.

I went upstairs, back to my prison of a room and waited for nothing. I stared at my ceiling with the same feeling of emptiness I've lived with recently.

About a half hour after 7 my mother came in to tell me that she was sorry and that I shouldn't have to go back to school so soon. Seeing how there were only about a week left, she told me that I could simply go back next September and be done with junior year now.

I went to my bed without taking any pills wondering if I could sleep without them. It took a while to fall asleep, but I eventually did.

I was standing on nothing again, floating through time and space when I saw him.

Glowing. Radiant. Angelic.

He saw me and looked up, I knew how this ended but I couldn't stop it.

"I never loved you Cassidy."

"You brought this upon yourself."

"I'm doing this to hurt you." He smiled a hellish grin.

Half conscious I waited for him to take out the knife and slit his own throat again, but it was different this time.

Instead he picked up a small black gun and brought it to his temple.

"Goodbye Cassidy."

I woke up screaming crying and shaking.

Only an hour has passed from when I went to sleep proving my the answer to my question was no.

I calmed down enough to take two more pills and waited for my hysterics to stop.

~*~