The 80s

Can't Let Go

I think people have an idea about entertainer in their heads. They think their lives are so perfect and it's really hard to go through painful experiences when your in the public eye because it's hard to have closure. You could start to heal but you look at a newspaper or a magazine article, or a TV show and that scab could ripped off. Your soul bleeds again.

I have been to several interviews this week and each and every single one had asked me about Prince or Michael. If not both of them. Granted, they wanted to know about my music but why is my personal life of any concern. It shouldn't effect how you listen to my voice. It shouldn't effect how you hear the music.

There you are

Holding her hand

I am lost

Dying to understand

Didn't I

Cherish you right

Don't you know

You were my life

"Cut it.." I slashed my hand in the air and slid my headphones to my neck. I sat back in the seat against the wall and closed my eyes to think. I tried not to think about him but I always did and the more I thought about him the sadder I became. This song came to me last night, in a dream. I woke up and wrote down as many of the words that I could get on paper. I ended up having to get a tape recorder to get the rest of it. I called my entire production staff to come to the studio. I was up the rest of the night. The more I think about him, the more words come out. The more songs come out. I just can't get over it. How could he do that to me? How could he lead me on like that? Engaged? God I feel so stupid. I was just a toy. I wasn't special. I was just other one of the many. I was disposable. He can't even say he loves me. That's how you knows it wasn't love.

I put my head into my hand, trying not to cry in front of my backup singers. They looked at each other awkwardly while I was trying to pull myself together.

I waved them away. "Ladies you all go home, we can finish this tomorrow."I waited until they were fully out of the studio before I looked back up. My studio engineer shot me a pained look, he knew I was about to shed major tears.

"Let me get the second and third one back..."

The music started and I closed my eyes, getting back into my zone. 5... 6... 7...

Do you even realize

The sorrow I have inside

Everyday of my life

Do you know the way it feels

When all you have just dies

I try and try

To deny that I need you

But still you remain on my mind

I opened my mouth to sing but my voice cracked. I mentally cursed myself for it, the fact that my emotions were getting in the way of my singing this much. I've cried while singing a ton of time but this for me is something new, who knew'd that you get more heartbroken the older you get.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry." I fanned myself, trying to stop my crying. " Woo ok! Run it again... bridge, 4th phrase"

"Jas...I think it's best that you go home and try this again tomorrow.."

I shrugged. "I have to get this out Ben I-"

"Jas.."

I sighed and hooked the headset back on the microphone stand. "Fine."