The 80s

MTV Purple Rain Premiere Party

I've been in this makeup chair for an hour and I haven't even put on my clothes yet. My plan was to take a shower and take a nap for about two hours since I was going to be up all night. But Hannah, who has been fully dressed since she got here, made me get in the makeup chair.

She is so excited to see this movie, she's been talking about it forever. Hannah is the type of person who likes to see something before everybody else and then brag that she saw it before everybody. I guess it's a director thing, I don't know.

I looked over at Naomi who was running around my clothing mannequin like a madman matching accessories to my outfit. I told her to keep it simple, but no matter what she always gets frantic when she's working. Naomi's brand new compared to the rest of my crew, so I guess shes trying to make a good impression. She's straight out of fashion school and i'm her first job. I've been trying to go easy on her, I don't want my hectic work schedule to scare her away from the celebrity stylist world because she is quite talented.

"Hurry up!" Hannah clapped her hands vigorously, rushing Gigi as she was finishing up adding purple glitter to my lips. "We have to get there to actually see the movie" .

"Calm down crazy. What are you trying to do get there before they roll out the red carpet?" Gigi started to slowly trace my lips with concealer. "Besides somebody's makeup has to look right on the red carpet." Naomi started cracking up.

"Damn the shade."

Hannah on the other hand was sitting down across the room, unamused, about to tap a hole in my brand new Birch flooring with her foot. It was honestly shooting my nerves. She was working on her anger problem. It was either tap or snap with her. It wasn't the most tolerable thing to deal with but it was progress, and it was way better than having to bail her out of jail.

When Gigi finished, I turned back to the mirror and looked at myself. I looked amazing, especially when my makeup was done. I look good without makeup but I love the way I look with makeup. I have never one to have low self confidence. My mama always taught me that I was beautiful and I should always feel like it. But sometimes I feel like that's the only thing people see from me, they don't see what's one the inside and it's not like they care to anyway, as long as i'm singing. It's all about image, my manager told me when I was 13 to "protect your brand at all time". I remember that day, I was about to do my first TV interview. My mom told me to be myself but before I went on Veronica pull me aside and whispered those 5 words. They still echo in my head until this day.

As I primped my hair, which was teased and brushed out to maximum and borderline uncomfortable volume, I let out a deep sigh. I'm really confused about a lot of things, and by things I mean Prince and Michael. Michael left yesterday to continue touring and I didn't see him off, when I came home the other, super late thanks to Prince, I had a ton of missed call from him.

However, I never bothered to call him back. I'm still a little mad about the Diana thing and quite frankly our entire relationship is starting to confuse to me.

Sometimes he's all in and sometimes he's not. Sometimes it's his career and sometimes it's me. Sometimes I think he straight up just doesn't get it. Everyone around him just tells him yes so he doesn't understand when something is wrong. I always find myself wondering, in the back of my mind, if we're right for each other. And it's crazy to say but I only feel like that when I'm with Prince. I never feel like I'm cheating on Michael when I'm with Prince. I mean as much and he cuddles and kisses on me, I never see it as a bad thing. The craziest part about it is I like it.

I still think Susan was going to say Prince loved me, truly. She put truly in front of it. Truly loved me. Wow, that's something serious to say considering the fact that he's dating that pop tart, but I can't say anything I'm dating Michael. Besides Prince has never been the most open book. He has his cute moments I'll admit, but all I get is cute moments. He'll never tell me how he feels. He couldn't tell me he loved me then and he sure as hell wouldn't tell me now.