The 80s

Spiraling

I pressed my forehead against the cold seat trying to find some relief, my head was spinning and it was making me nauceous. I awoke from yet another allergy pill induced slumber. It's not easy for me to sleep anymore these days. In my head I kept hearing a phone ringing, and ringing and ringing, furthering the spinning in my head. It was probably because of Eddie. I've been ignoring him since the club brawl. He's probably just trying to check on me to see if I was ok, but I just wasn't in the mood.

Recently, I've just been going out clubbing. A lot. I've been hanging out with Madonna. I ran into her at the studio one day and we got to talking. She's actually not that bad of a person and she's actually somewhat talented. She had a very creative mind, if the bitch took her sex drive down a few pegs she wouldn't be that bad. Anyway we went out clubbing with her and I somehow ended up higher than a kite off of reefer. And from the way i'm feeling, I don't think weed and pills mix.

I looked up and my driver was staring at me with a pained look on his face. "Would you like any helping getting into the house ma'am?"

I shook my head at his offer, when I finally found the energy to pull myself out the car. I felt like I was completely numb trying to search for the right key on my key ring. It felt like my body was just a weight and I felt like dropping right where I was. I felt like I could barely keep my eyes open, most likely from the drowsy effect that my allergy pills had. I looked out and saw the sun coming over the horizon. I guess slept in the van last night, it had to be about 6:00 in the morning. I felt really bad because my driver was there all that time waiting for me to wake up. I mentally cursed myself for being so selfish, it's not like I tried to but that was still awful of me.

I opened the door, and looked around my dark, empty. I heard the pitter patter of paws and I saw three of my kittens run at my legs as I closed the door behind me. My heart fluttered as I bent down to play with them.

"Hey babies." I horsed out, kissing the top of each of their heads. My mouth feels really dry, I haven't said anything in the past 2 days. Granted, that I have sung plenty. "Where are the rest of you?"

I picked them up and, made my way into the living room. Boy did they feel heavier than usual. I saw they were cuddled on the couch with each other.

I awed at the sight. My clock said 6:15. I had an appointment with my anger management therapist at 8:00. It was set up by my PR manager, after she decided to lecture me like I was 15, for three hours. because of what happened. I need to be more professional. I need to act my age. She's putting me in anger management blah blah blah. I hate it when people say that. Act Your Age. I don't know how to act my age this is the first time Ive been this age, sorry if I'm a little bit of a novice.

There was no need for me to even drag myself upstairs to even to sleep, not that I had the strength anyway. So I decided to stay by my kittens side and watch them sleep peacefully until it was time to take a shower. I almost cried at the sight of little Nefertiti yawning, she just as innocent as ever, animals warmed my heart. Just like nature did. I think I needed to get away from the L.A. scene for a while. I needed to go home and ground myself. I miss my family, I miss the woods. I have so many great friend. Why am I still alone? I don't get it.

"Who do you, who do you? bah bah." I heard drums in my head. "Who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?" I sang, quietly. I didn't wanna belt and ruin the quietness of the house. "Haha ha ha. Bless your soul...You really think you're in control."

I reached under the couch cushion, careful not to wake up my babies, and pulled out my notebook. I keep several of them stashed around the house. You never know when inspiration could strike you.