The 80s

Surprise

I was sitting on the stool in the booth, trying to finish a song. It's called Emotions. Prince inspired of course. It might be the title track. I don't know yet.

When I start recording, I have no clue what my album is gonna sound like. I always have an idea but it never turns out that way. At this point in my life, i'm just so sick of pop music. I'm so sick of making a track just to get it played in a disco tech somewhere. I miss the soul. What I sung in the tub when I was little. The Etta James, the Stevie Wonder, the James Brown, my all time idol Minnie Riperton. At this point in my career I feel like i'm doing way too much. I feel like i've become so commercially successful that it's still not enough for people. It's very stressful to keep up with that, having to compete with everyone plus yourself. When art becomes competition, it becomes self destructive. I didn't get in the music business to be a star. I wanted to express myself. But It's like the further you get to the top to more pressure you feel. It's almost crippling. You feel as though you can't express yourself, for fear that people won't like it. Worrying album sales and chart placing, tours,publishing, endorsements, promotion, and especially the media. It forms a creative plug on your soul.

I don't wanna have to sing about the same thing for the rest of my career just to stay at the top. You can't mature that way, especially for me as a young woman. I wanna sing about how much I hate myself that day, if that's how I feel. I wanna sing about heartbreak and depression if that's how I feel. I'm not happy all time and you can't write happy if you aren't. I don't show many emotions that's why the world has this 'her life is perfect' perception of me. I hurt real bad. I'm damaged. I don't have a writing team like other artist. When Jasmyn sings, it's because Jasmyn wrote it.

So I feel as though it's time for me to step up and take control of my future so I set a goal. And that goal was creative independence. So I fired my manager yesterday and I now manage myself.

Superstar Jasmyn has once again rearranged her management and this time she got rid of it.

Jasmyn has broken up with her newly hired manager and the young pop diva has decided to manage herself

I feel pretty empty because of the simple fact that my relationships with people always go sour at some point. I'm not gonna lie i'm pretty fragile because of it. Letting people in just so they can take advantage of you and ruin you can take an emotional toll on you. It fucks with your mental state. I was never close to this manager so atleast I left him on a good note.

My family life was rough, arguments and fights every. single. day. Backstabbing, cheating, lying, and plenty of violence. My very soul is tarnished because of it, I know it is. But I don't know what to do about it. That's just who I am and it's who i've always been. I felt like it was time to move on and just work by myself because at the end of the day. That's the only person I can really depend on. And I don't care if I don't sell one record because of it. It's bigger than the record, it's bigger than my career.

The biggest reason I decided it was time for me to mange myself is because at some point in your life you need your support system. My support system was and has been me. My mother has been my rock but sometimes she was so enthralled with my father she forgot about me. So I had to be the one to mentally keep myself together.

I sighed and started erasing because at some point in my thinking. I started to write out what I was thinking and drew a few pictures that would have some psychologist worried. I hated when I was alone because I always ended up digging into my psyche and that was a scary place to be. Everytime I pour my soul out to someone they, they being the very few people I confide in, tell me I need physic evaluation. So I just stopped being intimate with people. That is until I met Prince. I haven't old him everything but I know he hasn't told me everything either. I feel as though we're both messed up people and that's why we click. Or no one else will deal with our shit so all we have is each other.