The 80s

So Blessed

"You think he's what makes the sun shine but Jasmyn he's not. He's what makes your eyes tear and your heart bleed. He's the thoughts in your head that rip you apart, and my God, I know you love him but he's killing you."

I took a deep breathe, rolling my eyes. Hannah's been worried about me again because I've been locking myself in the studio again, I haven't been talking as much, I haven't been eating as much blah blah blah. "Are we done here?"

She groaned. "Jasmyn...please we're all worried about you..."

"I know and I'm fine." I adjusted the phone against my ear, my wrist was hurting from holding it so long. I glanced over at the clock: 10:30.

She was rambling but I didn't hear anything was saying, I heard the sounds but I couldn't make out the words, nor did I care too. "Look I'm going to bed ok."

"Jasm-"

"Goodnight." I hung up the phone and places it back on the hook.

"Peace at last..." I sighed and picked back up my notebook.

Everything fell silent, all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. That is except for the sound of my pen in my notebook. I was just writing my random thoughts down, that was the only way I could get my feelings out. It's what my new therapist suggested, Angela recommended me to get psychoanalyzed. She says my anger is rooted in deeper issues and it starts with my childhood. I have deeper rooted mental issues. So basically I'm paying people to hear what I already know.

How can someone that's supposed to make you feel so complete, end up leaving you so empty.

If I told you my secrets you'd never look at me the same way again.

Why does emptiness feel so heavy?

What is Love?

I analyzed that question. I wrote under that a few years ago. Surrounding it were lots of misshapen hearts and badly drawn stars. I was never much of an artist. I had my good and bad days. The words written underneath it were almost hysterical to me now. Happy, Joy, Laughter. Marriage. Kids. Eternal.

"Bullshit.." I erased all those words and the hearts surrounding it.

Love is pain. Love is butterflies and stomachaches. Love is giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else.

I dropped the pen and rubbed my eyes, I reached over for my allergy pill bottle. I refused to have another insomniac night. I grabbed my water bottle and tossed my head back to take the pills. As I put my bottle back on my nightstand, I glanced over at the key Prince gave me, I had been carrying it around for two days trying to understand what he meant. I wanted to bring it to Angela but I mean I didn't wanna tell her everything.

Are U Aware U're My Lifeline, Are U Tryna Kill Me ~ Prince

"What the fuck does a key have to do with that?" I knitted my brows in thought. "Are you aware...lifeline..key." I groaned and flopped back into the bed.

Those words have practically haunted me. It didn't make any damn sense with the key. It was pissing me off that I couldn't figure it out,and worst of all I could barely think with that damn sound raping my ears. I'm pretty sure it was my doorbell.