Tearing Paper

Flashbacks

Remembering him comes in flashbacks

and echoes

“I was thinking, maybe we could go a little bit merrier for the engagement. I really like this coral dress—but this tie doesn’t suit your skin tone,” Ella circled a bright-colored tie loosely around Nate’s neck. “It doesn’t make you stand out. So then I got this other dress I liked, navy blue. I think it shows more elegance, see my point?”

Nate stared at the girl waltzing around him, holding a beautiful dress over her body. Ella was a perfectionist. She never wanted anything less than flawless, especially on such a big day. She was happy.

He made her happy.

When did he stop feeling the same?

“Ella, look—isn’t this engagement kind of… rushed?” Nate messed his hair up and grumbled. “And moreover, it’s just a family event. I don’t think we need to be this extravagant. Seriously, they’ve seen us at our worst everyday. Besides,” he walked towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders, “you’ll look beautiful with the simplest dress.”

“You never understand me, don’t you?” Ella rolled her eyes and stepped away from Nate. “This is our engagement, Nate! I’m trying my best to make it worth remembering!”

“Well don’t you realize that you’re only thinking about yourself? You know I hate all this luxury!” Nate replied, raising his voice.

“I’ll go through these myself!” Ella sighed and took both dresses, leaving Nate alone in the room.

“Well maybe I don’t even want an engagement!” Those words echoed in Nate’s head, but his tongue was tied and they remained a painful scream within him.

-

“Nate…”

“Ella? Ella! Are you okay?” Ella’s mother rushed towards her daughter, who was sitting on her bed, massaging her head. She closed her eyes and lied back on her bed, frustrated. “I’m fine, Mom. I’m just having nightmares. And my head is aching.”

“Do you… mind to tell me what it’s about?” Ella’s mother stared at her daughter carefully. Ella’s headaches had become more and more frequent these past few days. And it wasn’t the first time that she heard her daughter saying that one name. Nate.

“There’s—there’s Nate. We were fighting. He always made me cry. And when I looked into his eyes, it was like he…” Ella’s cheeks were wet with tears. “He doesn’t love me anymore. But he does now, right? I’m gonna get him back, right Mom? I just can’t—“

“Why don’t you… get some more rest, Honey. It’s all just a dream. You’ll be fine,” Ella’s mother rubbed Ella’s back and waited until she was asleep.

But then again, it was hard when the biggest truth she knew had the power to destroy the daughter she loved so much.

Tell myself it’s time now,

gotta let it go