HIM

CHAPTER 19

What should I say.. If I tell her what had really happened, she would be afraid of him changing me and my life. She also has that fear of guys playing with girls' feelings especially during high school. She had told me before that there was a guy who told her he loved her but he was only telling her that in order to make all his homework and help him with any project he was told to do, even sometimes he asked her to do it all. After they finished high school he acted as if he didn't know her. Since then, she had the fear of love during high school, she has always told me not ever believe someone's sweet words.
    "Answer me.. what was that!?? Why were you hugging him??? Who is that guy?"
"He is a friend of mine.. I met him yesterday at school."
"Why were you hugging him??"
"Because another friend of mine was very sick and I was very worried about her, he was just reassuring me that she will be fine."
"And that other friend is a girl or a boy?"
"A girl and called Karen and ... umm... she is Harry's sister."
"Why did he even come here?"
"Because I forgot my jacket with Karen yesterday and she promised me that she will pass by to give it to me but she couldn't come."
"Why did she just told you that she won't be able to come and come by later?"
"Because ... umm... she made an accident and she is in a coma at the hospital now and couldn't text or call me." I tried to sound as sad as possible.
"I don't believe you."
"I am saying the truth anyway."
"If what you are saying is true, let's go and visit her at the hospital."
"No, no... we can't visit her.."
"Why???"
"Ummm... the doctor said she is so sick that no one should visit her."
"How did you know??"
"I.. asked Harry if I could visit her and he told me that he ... ummm...even didn't see her."
"Okay let me talk to her mother and ask her about her daughter..."
"What!! no I don't have her phone number."
"Let me talk to Harry."
"What is wrong with you mum??"
"What is wrong with me?? me?? Sophia, this is not normal, you hardly had any friends in Minnesota and now you have millions of friends from one day at school? This is not normal!!"
"Oh mum.. do you want me to be alone again... because of you my whole life changed, I left everything when we moved from Minnesota, everything literally and because of what?? because of something I haven't done... you and dad got divorced and everyday when I was young you argued and even in the few days he came to see us after traveling, you argued, sometimes he hit you so hard that I had nightmares about these arguments everyday and I didn't even had anyone to talk to and tell them what I feel and what I am afraid of... neither you nor dad were there for me when I woke up everyday crying and screaming afraid of what I see in the nightmares cone true.. I dreamt that he killed you and now when I have somone who cares about me and and makes me feel safe, you just wanna distance me from him.. What's wrong with you mum.. you are not normal not me...I hate my life because of you." I was breathing heavily after I said that and I didn't even realize that I was crying, I left mum alone, she was astonished.
I went to my room and locked the door.. I was crying so hard that all my body was shaking, I have never told her that before, I always suppress my feelings inside of me and cried alone in my room never ever told anyone about them.
      I put on my headphones and increased the volume to the maximum that it hurt my ears but couldn't feel anything except grief and sadness.. I didn't want to remember these days, though I still have these nightmares.
I kept crying until I slept.