Until We Fall (A Before You Exit Fanfic)

CHAPTER 24

I was driving near my neighborhood already when I received a text from Toby.

Please let it be good news, I muttered to myself before opening the message as I stopped at a stop sign.

Still no sign of him, Alex.

I took a deep breath as I drove towards my house. After a few minutes, I passed by Bianca's house and saw how empty it was with all the lights closed, except for the one on the 3rd floor - her room. I wondered if she's there and if she was with Connor.

I continued driving to my house but I can't ignore the guilt I'm feeling about Bianca. She doesn't know anything about this and she shouldn't be involved in my feud with Connor. Even though Connor did replace me for her, she is still my best friend. I wondered if she is with Connor right now - and I actually wished she was - so that Connor has company at least for a while.

But my thoughts were interrupted as I pulled up to our driveway and saw him there, sitting on our front porch with the hood of his jacket up. I can't be mistaken. It's him. Even if it's dark and I can barely see his face, his eyes tells the difference. His bright blue eyes is shining against the moonlight.

I stare at him for a while and it seems as though he doesn't recognize it's me pulling up. He remained seated still, and I took a deep breath before opening the car door.

He currently has his head down as I walk towards him so he probably doesn't see me. "Connor?" I asked, standing a few steps away from him.

He immediately looked up at the sound of my voice. He puts his hood down and although his hair is shriveled and I could hardly get a look at him because of the dark, I can still say he's the most precious thing I've seen.

"How long have you been waiting here?" I asked, worried. By then I noticed the dark circles around his eyes - probably caused by fatigue or just because of his endless cries. I immediately felt bad.

He looked to the sides, avoiding my gaze. "About an hour or two, after I left the hotel." He said, glancing at me for a while, and then removing his gaze. "I didn't know where else to go..."

I stood there awkwardly, placing my hands inside the pockets of my hoodie. I took a deep sigh and sat beside him on the porch, facing the empty street. We stayed silent for a while until I decided to speak up. "I'm sorry." I said, almost in a whisper, without looking at him. I immediately felt the tears forming in my eyes but I tried my best to hold them back.

"I have been so hard on you lately. I have been stubborn, insensitive and careless. I let my emotions get the best of me." I said, not finding the proper words to say to explain my behavior for the past couple of days. "I'm sorry for pushing you too hard, probably making you feel as if you have hurt me more than I've hurt you. When in fact, it's the other way around." I added, looking down to blink away the tears.

He remained silent for a while. By then I realized how close we were seated, with our shoulders almost touching each other's. It has been so long since I've been this close to him. "I just want you to know that. Connor, I haven't been fair to you. We both made mistakes of our own but I made you feel as if you made a bigger one to me. It's not like that, okay?" I continued to talk. "You have been nothing but nice to me. I want you to know I understood everything you did. I accept your decisions in life and whatever path you choose to go on, I want you to know I will always be happy for you. In whatever you do."

I paused and let out a silent laugh. "I'm talking as if I'm about to die already." I joked, easing up the tension.

I saw him smile before speaking. "I want you to know how sorry I am of everything too, Alex. I really am. I regret everything I've done, just like what I have told you. I should have waited, I should have been more patient. I let my longing for you get the best of me in finding someone that could fill the empty space in my heart." He said, gently, as if every word he utters are like daggers into my heart. "But I slowly realize, only you could fill that gap. I shouldn't have--"

"Connor." I stopped him. And by this time, I had the guts to directly look at him.

He looked back at me, his eyes ever so beautiful with the moonlight. "I don't want you to regret anything. Again, I don't want to be the one holding you back. I want you to not think of me in every decision you make. Always think of you - of what will make you happy." I said and I don't know what had gotten into me, but I extended my hand to wipe a tear falling from his left eye.

After I wiped his tear, he gently held my hand, brining it closer to his lips. I've missed this - his touch and basically this thing happening right now. I miss talking to him like this.

"I'll keep that in mind." He said, putting my hand down on my lap.

We stayed quiet for a few seconds until he spoke up again. "Maybe this is what we need." He said, looking up at the sky, then straight at me. "Closure." his soft, serene voice made my heart shatter.

I nodded, unable to speak. He stood up and I immediately followed him. "I'm happy we finally got to talk." He said, taking a deep breath.

"I know." was all I could reply.

He looked at me again, and I can see his expression changing. He let out a weak smile before taking a step towards me and planting a kiss on my forehead. "Goodbye, Alex." He said faintly before letting me go.

And just like that, he disappeared without another word. But what he said a few moments ago still lingered through my head.

Maybe this is what we need - Closure.

And he did say goodbye. Is this really the end for us?