watercolor thoughts [completed]

xxxvii | d e a r g r a n d m o t h e r

A U T H O R ' S  N O T E 

\\ I'm stuck in a writer's block right now, so I'm putting some of my old poems for school. I was really reluctant to put this on since it's pretty personal and emotional to me, but here goes. completely unedited, leaving it as it is. ||

Dear Grandmother

Dear Grandmother,

It's been three years,

Three years since you were put in the ground,

Three years since I was lost and never found.

Dear Grandmother,

It's been three years,

Three years since I stood in front of your grave,

Three years since I cried about why God wouldn't save

You. I still do.

Dear Grandmother,

It's been three years.

Three years since cancer spread too fast,

Three years since they said you'll

Live on in our memories, heaven, and the past

That'll you'll always remain

But I don't believe that.

My heart's weak, my memory's bad

I want you here. Not in the past.

Dear Grandmother,

It's been three years,

Three years since you became part of the past,

Three years since you breathed your last breath,

Three years since eternal became your rest.

Perhaps you're happier in heaven, in paradise,

With a body not overrun by cancer.

Maybe I am selfish for wanting you here

But I was selfish, three years ago,

And I still am.

Dear Grandmother,

It's been three years,

Three years since they cremated you,

Three years since they burned that hated cancer

To ashes, because it hurt

To think of your body crumbling into dirt,

Your insides becoming home to soil's kin,

Your fingers growing into flowers,

Those flowers breathing out oxygen

That I would then breathe in.

Or perhaps you wouldn't have minded,

Because you were strong and selfless,

But the thought of oxygen

That should have been yours to breathe . . .