Will You Still Love Me? (MAHTW Sequel)

Chapter 5

Author note: sorry this is a long one, also sorry if it doesn't flow well, I got a little lazy on the editing lol.

Chapter 5

"I'm sorry about earlier..." I said quietly, staring up at the ceiling of our bedroom. I know Austin hated it when I pushed him away like that but there are just some things I'm not excited to tell him about. I know I can't keep dodging around my past forever but I wasn't ready to go back there yet, the less I thought about it the better and that dream just brought me back to it.

Austin laid motionless beside me, facing away and he never replied. His breathing was slow and I watched him for awhile before I finally got the impression that he had gone back to sleep so I kept talking. Talking to a sleeping, unaware person was so much easier then a thoughtful, curious, awake one. "There's just certain things I'm not ready to talk about..." I whispered, feeling small and weak as my eyes began to sting from tears forming. "I love you and I want so badly to be the girlfriend you want and deserve but I'm no different from that scared, broken girl you met at Warped tour and that's not going to change for a long time." I murmured, my voice wavering. "I'm trying, but it feels like the more I try to understand life and find my place, the harder it gets. Something doesn't feel right, I don't feel safe like I used to and I don't know why." I was silent for a long moment in thought. Now was a good time to get it out and talk to him later but I wasn't sure of everything I needed to say, there was so much.

"You act like I'm perfect." He murmured. I jumped and reddened with embarrassment, I should have seen this coming, it's so cliche. He suddenly turned to face me and we looked across the bed at each other, eye to eye. "You said you're not the girlfriend I want or deserve but even though you drive me crazy sometimes I couldn't imagine having never met you, you are the only girl I could ever want." He said honestly. I blushed deeper, hiding my face in the pillow a little more but still peaking out at him. "And you've come so far since we first met. You still have things you're battling with but I'm so proud of you. When we first met you were self harming and absolutely no self-esteem or self respect for yourself but I've watched you grow and change all of that. You realized your self worth and learned to love yourself and even though you're confused and unsure of where to turn in life and I think you've never been stronger. I believe in you, and I know you'll get through your issues right now, you always do and in the end you'll be a little stronger than before." I smiled but the few tears that had been welling in my eyes escaped, sliding down to the pillow below me. He smiled back and reached across the bed and wiped away the tracks left behind. "And you know that if anything ever happens you can come to me. I'll never let anything or anyone hurt you." He whispered. I've never been very forward but I got tired of waiting for him to close the gap and finally crawled over to lie beside him and he instantly took me in his arms.

"I love you." I whispered, a small smile quirking at the edge of my mouth, leaning in a pecking him on the lips. He brought a hand around to the back of my head, his fingers getting lost in my hair as he looked up into my eyes.

"Please stop doing this to me..." He murmured. I looked down at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I know it's hard to talk about your past and open up sometimes but it hurts me so much more to get pushed away." He whispered.

"I'm sorry." I whispered back, my chest tightening in fear. "I-"

"I know you're trying, and I can't expect anything more then that, I just want you to know how I feel." He said, cutting me off because he already knew what I was going to say. I nodded.

"I know, and I'm going to try and fix that because I don't like making you feel like that, I hate it but I'm so hard wired to not talk about anything that its almost impossible to open up." I said, he nodded. I nuzzled up to his neck and released a sigh of relief, just laying with him for a while with my eyes shut.