Darkness

Chapter 38

(Flashback- 8 years ago)

Screaming at him to stop, to remove himself off of my body, I struggle in discomfort as all I feel is pain radiate from the lower region of my body.

Thrashing my hands around, he gets annoyed and grabs at my wrists tightly squeezing them painfully.

Please! Please I just want it to end!

As my screaming subsided, I turn to crying my eyes out as my voice speaks with so much pain and fear in three words.

"Get off me David!" I cry out.

Sucking in breaths of pain, my dads friend raping me breaths in breaths of pleasure and satisfactory.

(End of flashback)

Gasping loudly I jolt up from my sleep with a hand to my heart and one to my forehead.

Breathing heavily I then wipe at my forehead with the back of my hand and pull back with drops of sweat evident, even in the black of the night.

Closing my eyes I try and calm my breathing and heart beat.

No, not again! Please not again!

Seconds later of steadying my breathing, I stand up from my bed slightly out of breath, although better than when I first awoken.

As my feet touches the cold floorboards beneath my warm feet, I stand up fully awake now and look over to alarm clock.

'3:42am'

Wrapping my arms around my body weakly I feel my start to shake as I take steps towards the bathroom.

I always felt like this when I had these dreams...I felt dirty.

My body always felt the need to be cleaned, even if I had a shower minutes before, I would scrub.

My memories will always dirty my mind...dirty me.

Without grabbing any change of clothes I strip out of my clothes as I stare at my face in the mirror as if I'm glued to my
Own pained eyes.

My eyes...oh what I would give to be another girl, with another pair of pained eyes.

The feeling would be amazing to wake up and feel happy.

To wake up and wish for things as stupid as a new dress, or a new sibling from your gentle caring parents...

It would be nice, but that's not my life and that's not how I have lived mine...

Feeling as if I wanna cry all over again, I shut my eyes tightly as all the memories start flooding back to me.

My young self, and how scared I was...

Davids black sweat drenched hair that dripped on my chest as he finished having his fun with me.

After he finished making me feel dirty.

I'll never forget how he looked at me, like I was some toy.

As I'm staring off into space, recalling all my bad memories with the sick basterd, I reach for the brown wash cloth on the tap.

As the hot water from the shower head pours all over my body, I feel my tears above all the water coming from shower.

My tears feel like hot trails of hate and fear coming from the edge of my eyes and ending at the base of my chin.

As I squirt a large amount of soap on the cloth I scrub vigorously, almost to the point of slight pain and scrub until all the sweat and horrid memories wash off me.