Demented

My Dependency and Stomach Acid

Frank would not leave Gerard's side at all. He was beside him or behind him at all times. Gerard was stuck doing tasks for him like getting him a napkin, for fuck's sake. If Frank was left alone for more than two minutes, his mind would wander off to the thought of being abandoned. It was a depressing ritual...he just really needed someone to take care of him.

Gerard needed to get going to therapy, but Frank was begging him to stay. "Please don't leave me," he pleaded.

"Honey, I have to go."

"But, Pancake, I-"

"No buts. Goodbye." Gerard opened the door and left.

Frank slumped against the wall.

Gerard isn't coming back. He doesn't love me. He's going to leave me like everyone else. I'm worthless and unlovable. Just like everyone's told me.

And you're fat.

Very fat.

You should go throw up, Frank.

I should.

Get that fucking food out of you, fatass.

I'm such a fatass.

People stare at you. They see how fat you are. They see your pudgy thighs in the shower room. You are fat.

Frank said, "I'm fucking fat." He walked in the bathroom and closed the door. "You're a fucking fatty, Frank." He lifted the toilet seat up and got on his knees. "I know I am."

He plunged his finger down his throat and gagged.

Throw up already!

I'm trying!

Are you going to take all day? The food is going to digest more and stick to your body! C'mon Frank!

Frank stuck two fingers in his mouth. He pulled them out before vomit came out. Only a little came up.

More! More! More!

He put his fingers in his mouth again and threw up.

Is that good enough?

You'll never be good enough.

I didn't ask about myself! I asked about the puke!

Frank, are you still fat?

...Yes.

Then it's not good enough.

Oh.

"I'll punch myself. Yes, punch yourself!" Frank lightly tapped his belly a few times before blowing it hard. Something arose in his throat, but it went back down. "Harder," Frank mumbled. He punched twice and he found his head over the toilet again. His guts poured out.

"That's enough for now." He flushed the toilet and grabbed for his towel to wipe his lips. Frank brushed his teeth and went to his bed.

Gerard isn't coming back. Gerard isn't coming back...
______________________________

Frank and Gerard ate their dinner silently. Gerard chomped on his bread, not that he needed to, because it was bread. Frank was deep in thought, eating mashed potatoes.

I can't wait to throw everything up. I'm going to get it all out my stomach.

Sounds like fun.