I'm Happy If You Are

Your Glares Pierce My Soul

  "People protect what they love."

-Jacques Yves Cousteau-

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Chapter 22:

(Lucas' POV)

I knew I shouldn't have stayed. I knew things would end up like this, I'm just in the way of everything.

"I knew that I should've left." I stand up and straighten my clothes, they are ruffled from laying in that uncomfortable chair. I stayed because I wanted to make sure Kerri was okay. I know she's okay because now she's all over Grey.

I make my way over to the door and Kerri begins to cry. "Don't act like you're the hurt one here. You and Grey left me, embarrassed and confused, I told you he'd be trouble, I told you that he didn't care. And what did you do, you trusted him and left me in the dust? Before you go and start crying remember that I've been the one who always held you and comforted you and kept you safe, and you crush me and everything we've ever had, you chose him over me and I still laid there in that chair and made sure that you were okay. You're not the victim here. "

Grey looks at me in anger and Kerri continues to cry, she tries multiple times to speak but all she can do is look at me through tears and I do the same before grabbing my jacket and walking out the door.

I cannot believe Kerri. I told her not to trust him and she does and gets put into the hospital. Now, she's making bad decisions, the Kerri I know would never make a bad decision.

I just want her to be herself.

I cannot lose Kerri but there's no way to make her do what's right. She would have continued to dig her hole deeper and I would continue to have my feelings bottled up. I still do, at least the smaller ones have been released. She still doesn't know how much I need her.

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(Grey's POV) 

I watch him leave the room, sobbing, hurt and angry. I look to Kerri, she held her head in her hands.

Hurting Lucas means hurting Kerri, I've got to stop hurting him so much. I just can't he angers me, Kerri trusts him without a doubt and I still have to earn her trust. I can't keep hurting him. 

Kerri sits up and looks at me with red and puffy eyes. "I can't do this anymore."

"What, you can't do what anymore?" I ask. I move closer to her, her legs are pulled up to her chest and she has her head tucked into her knees slightly.

"I can't keep acting like you're just a friend and I can't keep trusting you without question and treating Lucas like he's dirt. You've done this to me. You've created this part of me. I've never hurt him, I never intended to but you did this," she cries out, tears stream down her face," I lost Lucas because of you, the person I'm meant to hate."

I did this? I never meant to hurt her. I just wanted to be able to hold her. I just wanted to change for her. I just wanted to change to show her how much I care.

"Kerri, I-"

"Just shut up," her voice comes out hoarse and she loses her voice," I just want-"

Her eyes go wide at the loss of her voice. 

"I wanted to change for you. I wanted my bad guy ego to diminish, I wanted to be there for you like he is, I want to have your trust the way he does. I want you like he has you," I state and end up trying to make her look up at me.

But as I try to pull her head from her hands she holds up the nurses call button to get me to stop.

I throw my hands up and move away from her," just listen to me."

She grabs the notepad and pencil from the nightstand and writes a message.

I've already listened to enough. Shut the hell up, I'm tired of listening to your lies. You hurt me and my best friend and I won't let you hurt us anymore. It's time I stick beside him, after all, you're the one trying to earn my trust. He's already got mine.

I don't think that if she wrote anything different it would've made a difference. One, I still feel strongly about her, two, I still envy Lucas' trust, and three, I will still continue to earn her trust even if it's the last thing I do.

I try to grab her hand but she pulls away quickly and shoots me a hard cold glare that brings shivers up my spine. 

"Kerri, can I still possibly earn your trust?" 

She shrugs her shoulders.

I feel completely tired of playing games and watching this soap opera play out. I don't live like this! I don't build feelings for a girl, I don't set at bedsides and mourn over a hurt person. I'm harsh, I'm cold, and I definitely do not fall for a girl. 

I stand up away from the bed and watch her shoulders shake, her forehead is on her knees. She's curled into a small ball, crying, hurt, painfully shot in the heart by the one person she needs most. I don't do these types of things, I don't think about the pain I cause, I just cause it and watch it play out without regret. I cannot possibly be standing here thinking about hugging her tightly, making her feel better. But I am. 

As much as I want to fight it, I can't. I can't stand here and watch her hurt. 

I walk up to her and she looks up at me with a grimace. She mouths go away. I back up and watch her glare at me. Her swollen eyes shut every few seconds and the tears that they hold are released, they roll down her cheeks and onto her leg. 

Without another tear or muffled cry that is enough for me to take what heart I have left and walk to the door. And without hesitation, I open the door, look back to her hurtful glare and leave my pain, hurt, and regrets in the room.

Is it emotional enough? I hope that it is realistic enough as well... I'm just unsure at the moment! Comment and vote, please! -C