I DO <3

Breakeven!

(Sheild myself from everyone!) I know and I'M FUDGING SORRY for not updating. I swear I was about to post the next chapter but the weekend got me all worn out. I think I drunk too much that I can't get off the bed for TWO FREAKING DAYS.

That's what happen when you guys have a overly good --- GOO000D --- night. (If you know what I mean)

Then, I was finishing up the chapter yesterday but something went wrong and the data was lost. THAT SUCKS, I swear I almost killed this laptop!! SO, I have to redo the whole chappie which take up a lot of time.

SO that's the wrap of my APOLOGY EXPLANATION!

Please be sweet enough to still vote and comment and fan.. that is if you guys forgive me for making you wait.. (crossing my fingers)..

PS: DIDN'T PROOFREAD.. got no time.. >.<

ENJOY PRETTY BITCHES! ^^

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RECAP:

The pain I'm feeling right now does not even comprise how much my heart is breaking.

Cause now, everything is clear.

Clear as a crystal.

Why didn't I realize it the first time?

Why have I been so blind?

Yep, I'm in love with my boss's fiancé.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

RAF'S POV

Okay, point taken.

I'm a fucking coward.

I'm a coward cause I can't tell Paul what's really happening. I can't tell him that I've done the worst possible thing I've never imagined doing in my life. I can't tell him the simple fact that I've cheated.

This last few days, I can't even look him in the eye and its eating me inside. Its making me feel anxious everytime and I hate it. But who else is there to blame? No one but myself!

And the worst thing.

I can't even admit it to myself that someone's been nagging in the back of my mind. I can't admit that I like someone else. That I like a girl.

I can't. This can't be right.

I kept debating with myself and I know Paul is sensing something is wrong cause sometimes I catch him staring at me intently. Sometimes, he just pops out of nowhere. And sometimes, he asks me weird questions. I don't' know, I think I'm just being paranoid.

I know I have to say something before everything else is too late. But thinking about it got me feeling horrid. Like everything I love will suddenly disappear, vanish from my sight. And that's what scares me the most.

I can't bear the fact that I'll lose everything that I've loved.

It's the most selfish but somehow selfless thing I've done. Selfish cause I can't let go and selfless cause I put them first. Okay, do you get me?

Cause it's a fact that I'm beginning to get crazy just thinking about this whole complex dilemma I'm dealing with. And I don't really get myself. '

I just know that I hate it when I have no control over the things that happen around me. I hate being clueless just like right now.

The snapping sound infront of my face got me out of my thoughts.

"Stripes!" Pauls says, snapping his fingers beside me. "Are you alright?" His eyes wondering, his brows creased worriedly.