too young for this { harry styles }

Chapter 20.

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People lie about quite a lot if you think about it from an outsiders perspective. For example, when you ask someone how they're doing and they say "alright" or "fine" they're normally lying.

We also like to lie about numbers. Our weight, pant size, age, years in school, etc. It's all complete an utter bullshit because none of those numbers actually matter unless you're dealing with legal topics.

Let's say there's a 27 year old woman who's just gotten her first job as a doctor and she's been through many years of studying and paid lots of money for college and her tuition, but she could literally be the dumbest person in the whole mass of humanity. Just because she has a degree in medical somethings and she has a job and parents with money, it doesn't mean she's nessesarily smart. Her parents probably sheltered her and forced her to do all of her school work, she was raised that way so she never knew anything different, but all of that sheltering from the world and its experiences was for nothing. She never fell in love. She was never picked on. She never had friends that were outstanding, nor horrible. She was average with no special experiences that made her react differently than any other average person.

We're humans. We need to learn how to make money. We need to learn how it feels to get a bad grade, so we don't get another. We need to have our heart broken and we need to love and hate and experience every emotion there is out there. If you don't experience all of these things, are you really living?

This doctor girl finally got her job and she's excited to be doing things for real and everything to mean something. But she's nothing special.

She's not exceptionally amazing at being a doctor and she's doesn't stick out. When people ask her for advice on their problems in life, she just says to do your best because that's what everyone else told her. She never experienced anything, therefore she never knew anything that actually mattered.

Now, let's imagine a girl who's 16. She's in love with her best friend, who's a girl and she's a girl. She's afraid that her beat friend doesn't love her like that. She goes to church every Sunday praying to God, asking him to make her feelings stop. She has to learn how to push her feelings away so she isn't bullied like her older sister was. She walks around school and notices the scars on her best friends wrists and remembers her older sisters scars.

Should she tell her best friend how she feels? Should she try and stop it? Should she talk to her mother, who is constantly wanting to get a divorce with the girls father. She's heartbroken and she doesn't know what to do.

She's just experienced too much.

It's thoughts like these that make me want everyone to be equal.

Like, everything would be a lot easier if nobody had to experience anything negative, but then again, that crap we go through helps us know what to avoid and how to react in the future.

Intelligence is much more than a letter or a number, and you can't lie about that.

The day Niall took me to see a therapist, I knew he knew something was wrong. But there's always something wrong.

The rehab people had told me it'd be good if I visited a psychologist weekly.

But that's the thing, I'm tired of being questioned about how I'm feeling because the answer will always be a lie.

When the lady with her horribly concealed crows feet in the corners of her eyes asked me on a scale of 1-10 how badly was I depressed, I told her -2.

At that moment I was telling the truth. I wasn't depressed at all. I was more or less curious as to why she would even try to dye her hair when it's so obvious it's greying half way to her roots.