too young for this { harry styles }

Chapter 21.

~

We all have different perspectives on the world. For example, I believe that certain people just want other people's sympathy. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want somebody's sympathy every now and then, but constantly dragging it on and on is just plain pathetic. We're homosapyins and we have all have that extraordinary desire for someone to think that we're special or different because of the things we've been through. Its life and even the most empathetic person on this planet can't deny wanting sympathy.

My perspective is probably the most pessimistic, yet indescribable perspective one will ever have seen in all of mankind and its consciousness.

I don't know if Luke necessarily wanted my sympathy, which he had already had, or if he was just trying to make the blonde girl who had been sucking Ashton's face jealous, but she saw. Everyone saw.

I didn't kiss him back, I didn't even have a choice of how to react. He forced his lips unto mine just like one would hit someone who'd been upsetting them. I was the punching bag and he was the angry boxer. And that kiss was full of anger.

My heart was racing from anxiety, not love or lust, I just sat there, and eyes wide open out of shock.

Not only was that shocking, but hearing people whisper from the hallway was what infuriated me. I didn't want Luke to kiss me and he didn't want to kiss me. It was in the spur of the moment and he didn't really mean it. He just did it because, in that moment, it felt right. To him that is.

It didn't feel right to me at all. Nothing could ever feel more wrong to me. I don't want somebody else's lips on mine when my mind is constantly infatuated with someone else.

I also didn't want to be thinking of Harry. It's been 7 months and he's still all I think about. You'd think that in those 7 months that I'd accept the fact that it's over. We're done. We're through. I ended it.

I didn't react to Luke's sudden kiss, and I guess he finally got it when he pulled away and his face went bright red from embarrassment.

His hands dropped from his tight grip on my face to his lap. His head sunk because I wasn't the only one who felt nothing when we kissed.

"I just thought..." He said, flustered.

He didn't need to continue because we both knew what that kiss had just meant.

Nothing. Nothing at all. A kiss with someone other than the person you truly love will always mean nothing.

"We all thought that." I finished for him.

A half smile formed on his lips. "You still love him."

My eyes went wide. "N-no." I lied.

He shook his head. "You do. You need to accept that already. You love him."

I jerked my head to the side, denying what madness he was saying.

But he was right. I still love Harry and that's why the kiss with Luke felt so wrong. Luke's a great guy and if Harry never existed, I'm sure I'd be head over heels in love with him. But Harry does exist and I can't just ignore that.

"You can't just lie to yourself like that. You deserve to be able to love whoever you love. If you are ashamed or something stupid like that, don't be. Being in love is wonderful, and if you are in love, then you're extremely lucky. Some people spend their whole lives never having that remarkable pleasure of being in love. Life is short, don't waste your life with denying the simple pleasures of it. Let yourself experience being in love because you deserve that. You've been through so much, and you can't say that you don't want to be in love. Because everyone wants to be in love. It's one of the best human qualities."