too young for this { harry styles }

Chapter 25.

Ivy's POV.

~

I think all humans need and outsider to step in and tell us the truth. We all are so conceited and cocky about how we are and what we do, sometimes we just need somebody to let us know how mad we all really are.

But sometimes these outsiders tell us too much of the truth about our own selves and end up changing us into an entirely different person.

Exhibit A: me.

The thing about Demi Lovato is that she's been through a lot and everyone knows that she's been through a lot. I honestly don't see why she's so praised and everything, because she may be bipolar and she may have overcame bulimia and self harm, but is she really that extraordinary compared to most humans in the world.

Don't get me wrong, she is an outstanding person, but she isn't all that great. We all have to go through stuff. It's also been scientifically proven that over 30% of high school students suffer from some kind of mental disorder. We all have to live with the fear of not being good enough. Everyone has to live with the ability to not be able to control who you fall in love with. We all have to live life and suffer everything it throws at us.

Just the fact that she's famous and all of her business is broadcasted throughout the whole world doesn't make her so amazing.

I guess it'd be hard if your business was everywhere, but it can't be that bad.

It's times where I'm sitting in my hotel room after the PCA's and reading my twitter feed when I wish I could say I guess about any of what I've just said.

Life hasn't gotten very easy lately. The perks of my life aren't very good and the downhills seem to be not very good as well.

One Direction is a good band, don't get me wrong. But I don't like the people in it.

Besides Niall, that is.

As soon as I received my invitation to perform at the PCA's everything happened in a blur.

Demi came to help me. She apparently was in rehab at one point or something and Niall thought we'd end up being good friends. I guess he was right, to an extent.

They're all talking about how I should be fixed. It's like I'm back in that one little hospital room where they were trying to solve me like an equation after it all became too much. But I'm not a mathematical, I'm more of a chemical equation. There are so many defects and things that could blow up that it's become more than just an equation. Now it's more like you've got it or you don't got it and ,in this case, I have it.

What I have to have is the real question for this whole situation, and what I have to have is the ability to act like I understand the words that are coming out of Demi's mouth. She's constantly telling me these directions on how to be happy and how to love myself, but loving myself isn't the problem.

I don't really hate myself or love myself, I'm kind of just here.

I'm also not even unhappy anymore. I'm just so deep into the sea that is depression and I can't breathe properly because my oxygen tank is more than 10 feet under water, so I'll suffer from Decompression Sickness because I've come up for air too quickly and the nitrogen bubbles aren't ready for that.

I guess I'm the nitrogen bubbles because I'm not ready to nod and smile and tell her that I understand, because I don't and I'm not ready.

But I have to and I can't change that, really.

Demi has helped me in a few ways, very few ways, but I guess I have to thank her in some ways. She's just so controlling it's hard to like her.

She forced me to go to the PCA's and perform and didn't even bother to mention the fact that One Direction was performing with us as well.