Impossible Possibilities

◥ ▶ nine ◀ ◤

* jaiden^ *

"Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war" - Looking For Alaska, John Green

Dedicated to LonnieLo because she's an amazing writer and if you like Scalene Mystique, you'll DEFINITELY like Unholy Habits by her, that book gave me a lot of inspiration to write this one. (:

Chapter 8:

Monday

It was Monday, and I was happier then usual, why? Because me and Jaiden had been texting back and forth since yesterday. He got my number from Delilah. It seemed that me and him would never run out of things to talk about. We were getting more and more close.

It was so easy to spill to him, he was comforting and I was really glad that I went on that date.
I had told him about my freshmen year, which I don't like talking about, not because I still feel how I used to then or because I was still sad over it. Simply because I liked to pretend that it didn't happen. Not a lot of people knew about it.

It was a bad year because of just anxiety, at the time, not knowing what caused me to feel that way, I blamed it on a lot of things, but all along it was me. I still don't know how to describe it, maybe put it as dimmer then the rest of my time at Warren. A hell hole. That's what I called this school during my freshmen year. And I am a much better person now then I was then.

I hated that year so much that I didn't wanna come back, and even though I had other options so I didn't have to come back, my parents forced me and I was really disappointed with them but I got over it, as you can see. Actually, I think I still am, just a bit, because when I think about it, the disappointment comes back and I feel the anger all over again for a split second.

You're probably still confused about what I'm talking about it.
In other words, I was really anxious all the time during freshmen year, and also really hated everything, which I still do but I'm a bit positive now. I was constantly cold and nervous and on the tense edge at that time. And the summer before sophomore year was also a disaster. This is all PROBABLY really exaggerated then it really is, or I'd like to think so because when I think back on that year, I feel stupid for being sad because others have much greater problems and my anxiety is not a big problem compared to what others have to go through.

And then I think, maybe it wasn't anxiety, maybe it was all in my head, but I still find myself getting really anxious sometimes, not as bad as I used to. So even though I wish it was all in my head, it might actually exist and I shouldn't feel stupid because my feelings are just.

Talking about summer, I was really attached to this one guy, which is also really stupid because I barely knew him but I think I really liked him because he was there. Besides all my anxious feelings, he was there and it made me happy. Maybe I felt like I belonged or maybe he was my personal escape.

I liked talking to him because I loved hearing him talk. And I liked hearing him laugh and even if we barely even had a full conversation or knew anything about each other, I still liked his company and I think he was in the same position as me because he let himself be what I needed, because he needed the same from me.

We never went out, all we did was be stupid and reckless and random. But it still took me a long time to get over him and I might've made up our bond and understanding in my head, but that's the way I liked it. I liked to know that he was there, It made me feel like I wasn't alone that summer.